Author: The BPI Squirrel

Furthermore! – Special Rights?

Nancy and Michelle have begun sleeping through the night. That’s a major achievement for the babies, and for Mrs. Squirrel and me. It’s nice to finally get some sleep again, although now that I won’t be as active all night I’ll have to be more careful with my diet. I thought that would be easier yesterday, after I read President Obama’s speech in Kansas. Then I read Secretary of State Clinton’s speech in Geneva, and I was positive I wouldn’t need extra macadamias. Winning Progressive summarized President Obama’s remarks wonderfully today in Morning Feature. Lest her equally brilliant speech get lost in the shuffle, here are some highlights from Secretary Clinton’s address on LGBT rights: At three o’clock in the morning on December 10th, 1948, after nearly two years of drafting and one last long night of debate, the president of the UN General Assembly called for a vote on the final text. Forty-eight nations voted in favor; eight abstained; none dissented. And the Universal Declaration of Human Rights was adopted. It proclaims a simple, powerful idea: All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. And with the declaration, it was made clear that rights are not conferred by government; they are the birthright of all people. It does not matter what country we live in, who our leaders are, or even who we are....

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Furthermore! – Gingrich Immigration Policy Is “Humane?”

There are no windows in Árbol Squirrel. Our tree is our home, and Mrs. Squirrel and I have made a cozy nest over the years. We have a bed nook for Regis and his video games, and a bed nook for ourselves. The babies, Nancy and Michelle, still sleep with us. We have a living nook and a pantry, and the office nook Mrs. Squirrel asked me to add so I wouldn’t disturb the family while researching 21st Century Political Nuttitude. We have an open door policy, because we have no doors. Or windows. Except for one, in my office nook, and it’s not a real window. The Overton Window is a political science concept that proposes a movable frame of reference for public policy ideas. A radical idea may seem acceptable – and come to be seen as sensible and even popular – if you offer a related idea that is completely unthinkable. And only when seen through the radically shifted Overton Window frame can Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich’s immigration proposal be called “humane.” In a GOP debate last week, Gingrich proposed what seemed like an amnesty policy for undocumented immigrants who have been in the U.S. for several years. His Republican opponents quickly pounced, but Gingrich insisted that government must be “humane” in enforcing immigration law. The media picked up on that word, and headline after...

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Furthermore! – Republicans’ Secret Plan to End Elections

I have long maintained that, as BPI’s roving reporter, “I don’t break the news; it was already broken.” However, my internet search turned up no reference to the memorandum I found tucked under my garden gnome this morning. So I think this might actually be breaking news: From: Plutocrats United To: Republican Presidential Candidates Subj: Operation SHUT UP Just a quick note to congratulate most of you on your excellent work in the debates. Last night you outdid yourselves, with some of the most ridiculous statements yet. Special congratulations go to Rep. Bachmann for saying President Obama lets the ACLU handle terrorist interrogations, and to Gov. Perry for raising the specter of Islamic militants infiltrating Latin America. Those are exactly the kind of head-shaking-jaw-dropping-did-I-really-just-hear-that statements we asked for in Operation SHUT UP. We’d also like to thank Rick Santorum and Herman Cain for the discussion of profiling radical Muslims at airports. Neither of you took the bait when questioned on how TSA employees could identify radical Muslims, or Muslims in general, leaving viewers properly confused. Also a nod to Wolf Blitzer for calling Cain “Congressman,” and to Cain for calling Blitzer “Blitz.” That said, there were some mistakes. Jon Huntsman, you sounded entirely too rational. Remember, the objective of Operation SHUT UP, per our original instruction memo, is: “to hold so many debates – with so many statements that...

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Furthermore! – Professor Gingrich?

The babies, Nancy and Michelle, woke in the middle of the night again. Mrs. Squirrel fed them while I swept out the nursery. Then we sang to them, quietly, so as not to wake Regis. He’s taking his Squirrel Aptitude Test today, and hopes to earn a full-tuition scholarship at BPI. I told him that BPI does not charge tuition, but he showed me a letter from the faculty senate on official white printer paper. Well, it was white except for the coffee stain. They said that was their watermark. Anyway, the point is, if Regis does well on his SAT he’ll get the same deal I get for being BPI’s roving correspondent. BPI’s scholarship policy makes as much sense as Newt Gingrich saying he’ll teach a college course if he’s elected president: By the way, I think I will probably teach a course when I’m president. I think I will probably try to do something that outlines for the whole country what we’re going to try to accomplish, and offer it online sort of like the University of Phoenix or Kaplan. So that way if the country wants, they can sign up. It would be free. Although given the news media’s assumptions about me, oh he’ll probably charge $100 a piece so I can get rich. No! It’ll be free. But the idea would be, why wouldn’t you...

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Furthermore! – More from Badly Breeding

No, there’s no problem with the girls, Nancy and Michelle. They’re doing fine and growing fast. Just yesterday they climbed around the tree for the first time. They had already wandered around the nest and even stepped out once or twice, their ear tufts and whiskers and tails twitching with delight. Just like your kids did as babies, except for the ear tufts and whiskers and tails. Mrs. Squirrel and I stayed close by and watched, holding paws. Just like you did with your babies, except for the paws. Okay, so maybe your kids didn’t climb the walls quite as quickly. I’m told human babies get their parents to do that instead. And I understand. Researching 21st Century Political Nuttitude makes me climb walls too. So once in awhile it’s nice to relax and watch political candidates badly breeding. Er … Bad Lip Reading…. Here’s Ron Paul: Actually I’m not sure if that was bad lip reading or they caught Rep. Paul in a moment of honesty. I mean, a lot of us do wish he were less coo coo. And as the resident faculty discussed last week, we could all do without the bad feces pudding. Then there’s Mitt Romney: Most of that makes as much sense as whatever Romney said yesterday, at least as compared to whatever Romney said the day before. Maybe he changes his mind...

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