Author: The BPI Squirrel

Furthermore! – More from Badly Breeding

No, there’s no problem with the girls, Nancy and Michelle. They’re doing fine and growing fast. Just yesterday they climbed around the tree for the first time. They had already wandered around the nest and even stepped out once or twice, their ear tufts and whiskers and tails twitching with delight. Just like your kids did as babies, except for the ear tufts and whiskers and tails. Mrs. Squirrel and I stayed close by and watched, holding paws. Just like you did with your babies, except for the paws. Okay, so maybe your kids didn’t climb the walls quite as quickly. I’m told human babies get their parents to do that instead. And I understand. Researching 21st Century Political Nuttitude makes me climb walls too. So once in awhile it’s nice to relax and watch political candidates badly breeding. Er … Bad Lip Reading…. Here’s Ron Paul: Actually I’m not sure if that was bad lip reading or they caught Rep. Paul in a moment of honesty. I mean, a lot of us do wish he were less coo coo. And as the resident faculty discussed last week, we could all do without the bad feces pudding. Then there’s Mitt Romney: Most of that makes as much sense as whatever Romney said yesterday, at least as compared to whatever Romney said the day before. Maybe he changes his mind...

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Morning Feature: Facepaw (Ask the Squirrel)

Professor Plum walked into the mail room without macadamias. At least he didn’t find the mail from the Republicans’ Thanksgiving Family Debate. Facepaw. (More) Or maybe Professor Plum heard that Chef and Mrs. Squirrel agreed we’re not supposed to eat just because we’re grumpy. Okay, fine. And we admit there are other ways to relax, like watching as Ms. Scarlet sang a lullaby for the twins, Nancy and Michelle. After the girls cooed and fell asleep, Ms. Scarlet and Professor Plum left to join the rest of the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”). The twins were in the mail room because Mrs. Squirrel needed a full night’s sleep. We postponed the staff poker game after agreeing the girls were far too young to watch that, which gave Chef and the Professor of Astrology Janitor time to plan the campus Thanksgiving dinner. Going over the recipes made Chef and the Professor of Astrology Janitor hungry, so they left to make Apple Pie French Toast. With the twins asleep in Ms. Crissie’s lap, that left your lowly roving reporter to review the week’s correspondence…. +++++ Dear Ms. Crissie Squirrel, We must end the censorship of Christian pastors by the IRS. Here’s what I said in yesterday’s Thanksgiving Family Values debate:...

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Furthermore! – Rumors and Blame

Rumors and blame travel fast, so I’m going to head this one off at the pass. I didn’t cause yesterday’s power outage in Flint, Michigan. Yes, I know, the headline begins Squirrel causes Flint power outage. That’s headline shorthand for “a squirrel.” The rest of the story doesn’t implicate me and, despite rumors to the contrary, I was not involved. I was at the BPI main campus in South Blogistan all day with Mrs. Squirrel and our new baby girls, Nancy and Michelle. Regis was here too, so don’t blame him either. I wasn’t the squirrel who “infiltrated” the substation or damage the isolator that allowed a short, leaving 6000 people without power. In fact, I wonder why the Flint Journal‘s Roberto Acosta chose the word “infiltrated.” That makes it sound like the squirrel was on a secret mission to undermine the city’s electrical system, perhaps to crash Michael Moore’s computer so he’ll stop hinting that President Obama ordered the raids that shut down Occupy camps across the country. That rumor spread quickly, too. Last night, Wonkette posted Surprise, Homeland Security Coordinates #OWS Crackdowns: But it’s also now confirmed that it’s now, as some Justice Department official screwed up and admitted that the Department of Homeland Security coordinated the riot-cop raids on a dozen major #Occupy Wall Street demonstration camps nationwide yesterday and today. […] Wonkette then quotes an...

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Furthermore! – Occupy the Future

Wouldn’t you know it. I took family leave from my class war correspondent duties at Occupy Wall Street to be here for the births of Nancy and Michelle. I love being here to hear their first chitters and see their first steps. In another month or so they’ll be ready for their first macadamias, and none too soon by Mrs. Squirrel’s reckoning, as the girls already have their first teeth. The girls still aren’t sleeping through the night, so I spent the wee hours alternately singing “The Itsy Bitsy Squirrel” and scanning my Blewberry for updates about the New York City police clearing the Occupy Wall Street protesters from Zuccotti Park. Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced the move yesterday, saying “the occupation was coming to pose a health and fire safety hazard to the protestors and to the surrounding community.” The mayor said the protesters would be allowed to return to the park after it was cleaned, but will no longer be allowed to flout city ordinances about outdoor camping: “Protestors have had two months to occupy the park with tents and sleeping bags. Now they will have to occupy the space with the power of their arguments.” A New York judge issued an order allowing the protesters to return to Zuccotti Park this morning, pending a full hearing. This was the scene in the park at dawn, courtesy of...

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Furthermore! – The “Silent” Generation

I’m concerned about Nancy and Michelle, the twin baby girls. Or at least their taste in music. I was delighted by the girls’ delight when Mrs. Squirrel led the rest of us in singing “There’s a nut at the bottom of the tree.” But the girls were just as thrilled last night when their teenage brother Regis and his guirrel friend started singing hip-hop. I doubt the babies understood the lyrics of “Gotta diet fulla nuts/Goin’ straight to our butts.” They were probably giggling at Regis’ dance steps, which were quite funny. Still, I suggested the lyrics were not exactly appropriate for infant squirrels. “You’re too young to be old and crotchety,” Regis replied. “Unlike the Silent Generation.” Regis was, of course, referring to last week’s Pew Research report on The Generation Gap and the 2012 Election. The Pew authors used the term “Silent Generation” for Americans born in 1928-1945, who reached adulthood in the Truman, Eisenhower, and Kennedy years. Behind them came the Baby Boomers (born 1946-1964), Generation Xers (born 1965-1980), and Millennials (born 1981-1993). The nine-part report offers a wealth of comparative data across the age groups, but some key points about the Silent Generation jumped out at me: The Silent Generation are the least likely to say interracial marriage (29%) and America’s growing immigrant population (22%) are “good for the country.” They are the most likely...

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