Author: The BPI Squirrel

Furthermore! – Growing Up

The baby and his guirrel friend had their first big row last night. I won’t say what it was about, because this is a family campus and I don’t want to explain which nuts she meant. Regardless, their tails were a’twitter and she scampered back to her own tree. Then his Blewberry went a’Twitter. He was about to tweet back when he looked at me and said “You always said I can’t take back ill-chosen words. But I can choose not to say them.” He put his Blewberry down and found a macadamia to nibble. I was so proud. He’s growing up. If only the same could be said for more humans. Take Mark Halperin, for example. Or don’t take him for example. Just take him. Please. Yesterday on MSNBC, Halperin called President Obama a won’t-say-because-this-is-a-family-campus. MSNBC has suspended him indefinitely, as they should. Halperin has apologized, as he should. He should also apologize for his incompetent punditry, but the BPI Fizzix Department said that would violate a fundamental force of nature and might tear open the universe. We don’t want that to happen again. We all make the occasional dumb statement. We mean to say that and it comes out taht, or stumble through several umms and ahhs while we try to remember a name or a fact. A friend once looked at my photo on the front...

Read More

Furthermore! – Don’t Know Much About History … Still

I got back from my weekend trip to find the baby and his guirrel friend had moved my garden gnome around my tree so he’s nearer the BPI hot tub faculty lounge squirrel bath. They said they liked looking at him while they surf – they’re both getting pretty good at that, by the way – and thought his presence might curb the exuberance of the resident faculty’s weekly hijinks. Sigh. My garden gnome used to be nearer the BPI hot tub faculty lounge squirrel bath. Almost exactly where the baby and his guirrel friend put him, in fact. Then he ‘disappeared’ during the winter solstice festival, and he stayed lost for months. The Professor of Topofclassclownistics finally found him in a cupboard of the BPI kitchen, while hosting a campus tour. Needless to say, I wasn’t going to put my gnome out in the same spot just to disappear again, so I moved him to the other side of my tree. I don’t blame the baby or his guirrel friend. The baby is too young to remember that history. He didn’t even know I used to have my garden gnome there. His guirrel friend wasn’t paying much attention to our tree back then either. Once I explained what happened and why, they were happy to help me move my gnome back to his safe spot. If only history...

Read More

Furthermore! – Thanks for the “Concern”

I asked BPI to send me to cover the U.S. Open golf tournament this weekend. Instead they sent me to cover President Obama’s golf outing with Speaker Boehner. I was grumpy at first, but it turned out better than I expected. Not their golf outing. That turned out to be a non-story. In fact, they sent the press away after the first hole, so I had time to get across town to watch the U.S. Open after all. I didn’t have a press pass, but as a squirrel it was easy to climb the fence and watch from the trees. But I couldn’t see the entire course, so I found the webcast on my Blewberry. As a red squirrel, my ancestors hail from Scotland. That’s the birthplace of golf, so of course I’m a fan of the game. I play at miniature golf courses, which are full-sized courses for squirrels. Or they would be if full-sized human courses had windmills in the middle of the fairways. As a purist, those make me grumpy. The baby says I get grumpy because I can never time my drive right, but that’s another story. Regardless, I’m enjoying the brilliant play of 22-year-old Rory McIlroy. His fluid swing and youthful exuberance are a joy to watch, and he’s already set several records this week, including the lowest score ever at any point in...

Read More

Furthermore! – Bring Out Your Dead!

The baby reached a major life change this week. He discovered Monty Python. I also stumbled on Monty Python back in my teen months. I don’t remember if I’d seen snippets of it before. If so, I didn’t pay much attention. You have to reach your teen months before Monty Python’s humor clicks. Now I get to discover it again, courtesy of the baby, who spent most of the weekend quoting this famous scene from their 1975 movie, Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail: The baby is also starting to become politically aware, as many teens do. I asked if that scene reminded him of Sarah Palin’s version of the ride of Paul Revere, what with the ringing bells and warning shots and British and so on. He said that was silly, as there were no warning shots in the Monty Python skit and a horse only showed up at the end. I next asked if he liked it because of its similarities to the Republican plan for Medicare, which polls show is about as popular as the Black Plague. But like most teens, he hasn’t thought much about Medicare. “So why that particular scene?” I asked. His answer: Climate Change and Michael Crichton. This of course sent me scurrying to my Blewberry, where I learned that novelist Michael Crichton participated in a panel on climate...

Read More

Furthermore! – Standing By Principles?

The baby and his guirrel friend are watching a movie on my laptop, which is also our big screen TV, so I’m stuck researching my 21st Century Political Nuttitude thesis on my Blewberry. That’s bad news and good news. The bad news is the National Cancer Institute says my Blewberry may be hazardous to my health. The good news is that Rick Santorum is smaller on my Blewberry, and the Mayo Clinic says that may offset the health risk of my Blewberry. Well, they didn’t say it exactly that way. They said suppressed anger is bad for your health. Big pictures of Rick Santorum make me grumpier, and I can’t express my anger too assertively or I’d interrupt the movie for the baby and his guirrel friend. I could ask the rhetorical question “Why does Rick Santorum make me grumpy?” but that’s like asking “Why does missing meals make me grumpy?” Duh. The better question is “What politically nutty thing did Rick Santorum say this time?” He announced today that he’s running for president. That’s actually not the politically nutty thing. Sure, his chances are right up there with a blizzard in Blogistan, but that could be said for most of this year’s GOP crop. If their candidates were grapes, they could go into the vinegar business. No, the first politically nutty thing he said was this: We’re going...

Read More