Author: Crissie Brown

Morning Feature: A Fraudian Slip? (Meta-Monday)

The resident faculty tried to fool us by leaving scribbled notes about the new campus conference center and their “weekly Wednesday meeting.” But there is no new campus conference center, and they meet on Mondays. It seemed they were trying to keep things to themselves. And that was their clue. (More) First our customary thanks to last week’s guest lecturers. Last Tuesday, Professor of Neuroholdemology Caractacus concluded his long-running Things We Learned This Week series by discussing The Jen Ratio of Hockey Success. Alas, Professor Caractacus has become so busy learning new things each week that he will no longer have time to share things he’s learned this week. We will miss his series, and hope he will continue to participate at Morning Feature and BPI when his schedule permits. Last Wednesday, Professor of Bathtublueberrywhisperology addisnana shared A Visit to Glennbeckisle and some sobering insights on Glenn Beck’s success. Both were excellent discussions, and worth reading if you missed them. This Tuesday, Professor of Topofclassclownistics JanF will slink out of BPI’s state-of-the-art High Energy Meta Mojo Elucidation Detector (HEMMED) Lab wearing only her 1942 near-championship Bucky Badger t-shirt – the one with holes in all the right places – to seduce us with the offer of something new. On Wednesday, Professor of Ecoinsaninsuroscamology winterbanyan will offer some surprisingly recent history on “the rights we’ve always had.” As always, Chef...

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Things We Did This Week – October 11-17, 2010

Please share your stories of offline political activism here. Saturday I phone-banked for an hour at my local party office, then set off for three hours of canvassing. It was the most successful phone-banking day I’ve had, in terms of reaching live voices. And some were very “live.” “Republicans … uggh!” Virginia said. “I wouldn’t vote for those b*******s if they were the last sons of b*****s on earth.” I chuckled, and she continued. “I’m 89 years old and I don’t curse, but let me tell you: I lived through one depression and I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit by and let those a******s bring on another.” “So we can count on your vote then?” I asked, laughing. She laughed and said we most definitely could. “And can we count on you to talk to other people and encourage them to vote this year?” “Honey,” she replied, “do I sound reluctant to talk to anyone about anything? I told my kids last week, ‘I didn’t raise you to be selfish bigots. You go ahead and like you want, but don’t come crying to mom when those people ruin this country! I won’t be around to rescue you much longer.’ I raised those kids better than that. I just hope they’ll wake up and realize we’re all on this planet together and we have to help each other.”...

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Campus Chatter – October 18, 2010

The University of Heidelberg opened today (1386). Also, Boston shoemakers formed the first U.S. labor organization (1648), the U.S. took possession of Alaska (1867) and Puerto Rico (1898), and women were deemed “persons” under Canadian law (1929). And Texas Instruments announced the first transistor radio (1954). Greetings and social banter here. Good morning!...

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Morning Feature: Five Minutes of Fear? (Ask Ms. Crissie)

Ms. Scarlet notched another yet victory, this time in the faculty Charades tournament. The Charade that put her over the top was Last Tango in Paris. Professor Plum called it, “Two hours of laughter interrupted by five minutes of sheer terror.” Had he found the mail? Well, he didn’t touch his nose…. (More) “He couldn’t have,” the BPI Squirrel confidently texted on his Blewberry. “Pootie the Precious and I found the perfect hiding place.” That explains at least part of the scent, which so distracted the Professor of Astrology Janitor that he folded the Jack and Ten of Clubs to Chef’s small opening raise so he could fetch his odor neutralizer spray. Chef and the Squirrel continued the hand, each trying to push the other off an Ace-King on an Ace-King-Queen flop by bluffing a made flush. Neither had the flush, and neither believed the other did. They split the pot, and the Professor of Astrology Janitor began spritzing and mewling. He would have had a flush, the royal kind, as the flop was the Ace, King, and Queen … of Clubs. That revelation sent Chef scurrying to the kitchen to prepare 5-Minute Breakfast Crumbles, and left your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence…. +++++ Dear Ms. Crissie, You liberals don’t understand terrorism. At Fox News we do, and that’s why I immediately linked Friday’s shutdown...

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Campus Chatter – October 17, 2010

Persian King Cyrus the Great issued the first human rights declaration today (539 BCE). Also, Mozart’s Ascanio in Alba premiered in Milan (1771), Cornwallis surrendered at Yorktown (1781), and 9 died in the London Beer Flood (1814). And Albert Einstein fled Nazi Germany for the U.S. (1933). Greetings and social banter here. Good morning!...

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