“People won’t settle for a sham investigation?” Professor Plum asked as he walked into the mail room. “I’m shocked!”

He read the mail…. (More)

Professor Plum then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor found that neither Chef nor the Squirrel would settle for a sham raise to steal the blinds. He took a chance on a pot-sized raise with the Eight of Clubs and Three of Diamonds, but Chef and the Squirrel both called.

The flop brought the Ace and Queen of Hearts and the Eight of Spades. Chef and the Squirrel both checked so the Professor of Astrology Janitor bet his pair of Eights. Chef called and the Squirrel paused a moment before calling as well.

The Nine of Hearts on the turn made a possible Heart flush. Again, Chef and the Squirrel checked and, this time, the Professor of Astrology Janitor checked behind.

The Eight of Diamonds on the river gave the Professor of Astrology Janitor three of a kind. But Chef put in a pot-sized bet and the Squirrel replied with a pot-sized raise. The Professor of Astrology Janitor knew at least one of them had a flush, so his three Eights went into the muck.

Chef then studied the Squirrel for a long moment, and finally shook her head. “I can’t fold a nut flush. I call.”

She turned over the King and Jack of Hearts, and the Squirrel flipped up a pair of black Queens for a full house. Chef tapped the table as the Squirrel gathered in his chips. The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to make Strawberry Yogurt Smoothies, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….


Dear Ms. Crissie,

The President of the United States, Chief Executive, Commander in Chief, and Leader of the Free World

Dear God-King,

We first note that the Wall Street Journal reported essentially the same story from their own sources. We next highlight this response from NBC’s Ken Dilanian:

Our roving reporter went out on a limb, because squirrels do that, to offer this explanation:

We think that is the most likely story. Regardless, we hope you will be true to your word and let the FBI investigate at their discretion, within the scope outlined by the Senate Judiciary Committee request.

For example, all three accusers mention say that Brett Kavanaugh was heavily intoxicated when these assaults happened. Thus, evidence from other witnesses as to his drinking habits is very relevant. Similarly, Christine Blasey Ford said she encountered Mark Judge working at a local grocery a few weeks after the assault. That store’s employment records would help specify the timeline. Both the NBC and Wall Street Journal reports said the FBI were not allowed to gather such evidence, and we hope you will remove those restraints as well.

Whoever leaked this trial balloon seems to believe the FBI should be your personal investigative service and look for only the evidence you would like them to find. That is not how the FBI work and, again, we hope you will be true to your word and let the professionals do their job.


Dear Ms. Crissie,

Why is Chef making Strawberry Yogurt Smoothies? Also, how does she make them?

Smoothing Into Breakfast in Blogistan

P.S.: Thanks for the mention!

Dear Squirrel,

Chef says she’s sure that dozens if not hundreds of FBI agents will put in long hours over the coming week. They’ll want a quick, nutritious breakfast with plenty of protein to fuel their efforts, so she suggests this easy and delicious recipe. Chef notes that strawberries are not in season, so she used frozen strawberries, partially thawed. But agents can substitute in-season local berries to suit their tastes. Bon appétit!


Image Credits — Adobe Stock Photo; Illustration: Crissie Brown (BPICampus.com)


Happy Sunday!