“I have no memory of my birth,” Professor Plum said as he entered the mail room, “so apparently I reject the allegation that I was born.”

He read the mail…. (More)

“Of course,” Plum quickly added, “I believe I was born. I just don’t remember it.”

He then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum.

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor couldn’t remember what cards he was dealt six hands ago, so he rejected the notion that any such hand was played and asked for his chips back. Chef just chuckled and went to the kitchen to make Eyewitness Egg Platters, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

In written testimony sent to the Senate Judiciary Committee, a third named witness has rejected the allegations made by Judge Kavanaugh’s accuser. Having been asked by a Senate staffer to comment on the charges advanced against the nominee, a lawyer for Leland Ingham Keyser wrote:

Simply put, Ms. Keyser does not know Mr. Kavanaugh and she has no recollection of ever being at a party or gathering where he was present, with, or without, Dr. Ford.

Under 18 U.S.C § 1001, letters to the Judiciary Committee are subject to criminal penalty if false.

Ms. Keyer, whom CNN confirms is “a lifelong friend of Ford’s,” is the third named witness to deny any knowledge of the allegations. The other two, Mark Judge and Patrick Smyth, issued written statements to that effect earlier in the week. Thus far, nobody has backed up the account advanced by Kavanaugh’s accuser, while Kavanaugh and three other named witnesses have rejected it outright.

Charles in FL

Dear Charles,

We commend your capacity for fabrication, if not for fact. Ms. Keyser did not “reject the accusations,” as you claim. Indeed she told the Washington Post that she believes Dr. Ford’s account. She simply doesn’t recall that party, or any other where Kavanaugh was present. As Dr. Ford’s attorney replied:

It’s not surprising that Ms. Keyser has no recollection of the evening as they did not discuss it. It’s also unremarkable that Ms. Keyser does not remember attending a specific gathering 30 years ago at which nothing of consequence happened to her. Dr. Ford of course will never forget this gathering because of what happened to her there.

In other words, Dr. Ford’s memory of the party is more vivid, given what happened to her. But nothing noteworthy happened to Ms. Keyser at that party and Dr. Ford didn’t discuss the attempted rape with Ms. Keyser, so Ms. Keyser doesn’t recall that party at all. Moreover, her statement reads like that of someone who doesn’t want her life overturned by angry wingnut mobs, as has happened to Dr. Ford.

We find your response similar to conservatives’ “Ah-HA!” moment earlier this week, when Ford’s classmate Cristina King Miranda said she had “no firsthand knowledge” of the attempted rape, after having posted on Facebook that she heard about it at school. Like Ms. Keyser, Ms. Miranda believes the attack happened and supports Dr. Ford. And she does remember a “buzz” of stories around school about the attack. But she wasn’t at the party and doesn’t want to be dragged through the media mud, especially as she could only testify to school rumors.

Indeed Ms. Miranda’s account is consistent with a letter signed by 600 graduates of Dr. Ford’s high school, who said her “experience is all too consistent with stories we heard and lived while attending Holton. Many of us are survivors ourselves.”

None of the signors was present at the party Dr. Ford described, but they heard of and in many cases experienced similar attacks at similar parties.

Simply, Dr. Ford described a crime that was and still is horrifyingly common. Both Ms. Keyser and Ms. Miranda believe her, even if Ms. Keyser doesn’t recall being at the party and Ms. Miranda heard only rumors at school. We conclude that saying they “rejected her accusations” is beyond spin. It is an outright lie.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Umm, what are Eyewitness Egg Platters, and can they testify in court?

Eyeing Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Squirrel,

Chef says Eyewitness Egg Platters are simply two eggs, sunny-side-up, arranged to resemble a human face with sprigs of fresh parsley for the eyebrows, strips of bacon for the mouth, and a scoop of cantaloupe for the nose. They can’t testify in court, but the Professor of Astrology Janitor will testify to chuckling when he saw his platter. Bon appétit!

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Image Credits — Photo: Charles C. Cooke; Illustration: CrissieBrown (BPICampus.com)

Charles in FL; she told the Washington Post that she believes Dr. Ford’s account; Cristina King Miranda; a letter signed by 600 graduates of Dr. Ford’s high school.

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Happy Sunday!