“If Beto O’Rourke wins,” Professor Plum warned, “Texans will say everything there is big.”

He read the mail…. (More)

Professor Plum then left to join Ms. Scarlet in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor wondered yet again whether pocket Aces are really the best starting hand. He opened by calling the big blind and, after the Squirrel put in a pot-sized raise and Chef called, the Professor of Astrology Janitor weighed whether to re-raise. If so, he would all but declare that he had pocket Aces or pocket Kings. If not, he might have a post-flop mess in a three-way pot. He decided to take the latter risk and called.

The flop brought the Jack of Spades, Ten of Clubs, and Six of Diamonds. The Squirrel checked and Chef put in a half-pot-sized bet. Clearly she had something, perhaps Ace-Jack for top-pair-top-kicker, perhaps Jack-Ten for two pair, perhaps pocket Jacks, Tens, or Sixes for three of a kind. The Professor of Astrology needed more information and there was only one way to get it, so he put in a pot-sized reraise. The Squirrel pushed his chips in and tapped at his Blewberry: “I’m all in.”

Chef pondered for only a moment and said: “Call.”

The Professor of Astrology Janitor was now sure at least one of them had his Aces beat. He sighed and folded.

The Squirrel turned up the King and Queen of Diamonds and Chef showed a pair of Tens for three of a kind. “Open-end straight and backdoor Diamonds,” Chef said. “You have outs.”

“Broadway,” the Squirrel said when the Ace of Diamonds fell on the turn to give him an Ace-high straight. But his excited chitters stopped the Six of Spades on the river gave Chef a full house of Tens and Sixes.

“I would have made Aces full,” the Professor of Astrology Janitor said before he began his plaintive mewling.

Chef went to the kitchen to make Tofu Omelets, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

As I said at my rally last night, if Beto O’Rourke wins in November, he’ll and Democrats will turn Texas into California, with their tofu, silicon, and dyed hair.

Ted in TX

Dear Ted,

We wonder … have you ever been to Texas? For example, Texans are no strangers to tofu. The state has 20 Whole Foods stores, Houston had five tofu producers back in 2007, and the state’s most popular grocery stocks organic tofu. If by silicon you mean high-tech business, the semiconductor chip was invented in Texas and the state has 17,600 tech firms employing over 200,000 workers. If you meant something else, something that often uses silicone rather than silicon … well, a quick Google search of [Texas breast augmentation surgeons] brought up 348,000 hits.

And as for dyed hair … seriously, no Texan should ever deign to lecture others about hair. Not. Ever.

Simply, Texas is a big, diverse state with a lots of food options, high tech businesses, enhanced bustlines … and very, very enhanced hair.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Squirrels love soybeans. Can they eat tofu omelets? Asking for a friend.

Tofunny for Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Squirrel,

Chef says she’ll make a small serving for you and Mrs. Squirrel to share. She’s using the recipe at the link below. Bon appétit!

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Image Credits — Photo: AP Photo; Illustration: Crissie Brown (BPICampus.com)

Ted in TX; 20 Whole Foods stores; Houston five tofu producers; HEB grocery stocks organic tofu; Texas technology industry; Google search [Texas breast augmentation surgeons]; Texas hair; more Texas hair.

Tofu Omelet recipe.

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Happy Sunday!