“Morality is for Those People,” Professor Plum said as he walked into the mail room.

He read the mail…. (More)

Professor Plum even managed to enunciate the capital T and P. He then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor began to wonder if straights and flushes were also for Those People. Well, and Those Squirrels. He’d had three big pairs lose pots, once after improving to three-of-a-kind, when Chef or the Squirrel hit a straight or flush draw. Yet all of his own draws had busted. So when he peeked at his Jack and Ten of Hearts, he simply called the Squirrel’s small opening raise. Chef called behind.

The Jack of Spades, Ten of Diamonds, and the Nine and Deuce of Hearts fell on the flop, giving the Professor of Astrology Janitor two pair plus a Heart flush draw and a running straight draw. So he put in a small bet, hoping someone would raise to build the pot. Chef folded but the Squirrel raised, as the Professor of Astrology Janitor had hoped, and he called.

The Eight of Diamonds on the turn added an open-end straight draw to his two pair and Heart flush draw. This time he checked to conceal the strength of his hand. The Squirrel thought for a moment and checked as well.

The river brought the Six of Clubs, leaving the Professor of Astrology Janitor with just two pair. He checked and the Squirrel put in a half-pot-sized bet.

Did the Squirrel have Queen or a Seven for a straight? Might he have a pair of Nines, Eights, Sixes, or Deuces for three-of-a-kind? Or was he trying to bluff his way out of a missed draw with what looked like a teaser bet, hoping the Professor of Astrology Janitor would think it was a trap and fold? The Professor of Astrology Janitor decided his two pair justified a call … and the Squirrel turned up a pair of red Queens.

“I don’t think I could have folded to that bet either,” Chef said to the Professor of Astrology Janitor. She turned to the Squirrel. “Well played, Regis.”

The Squirrel tapped at his Blewberry: “Thank you. I couldn’t get too bold, in case he had King-Queen.”

“As if that might happen today,” the Professor of Astrology Janitor muttered.

He began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to make Cinco de Mayo Breakfast Nachos, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I’m not concerned about the president’s alleged affair with Stormy Daniels, because these things happened many years ago — and there’s such bigger problems in front of us as a nation that we need to be dealing with than other things in his life a long time ago. I think some of these things — that’s for him and his wife to deal with. I think when the country went after President Clinton, the Republicans, that was a great mistake that should never have happened. And I think this thing with Stormy Daniels and so forth is nobody’s business. And we’ve got other business at hand that we need to deal with.

This stuff happened 12 years ago. This isn’t behavior that has taken place since he’s been president. These things happened long before he became president. That doesn’t make it right. And I don’t defend those kinds of relationships he had. But the country knew the kind of person he was back then, and they still made the decision to make him the President of the United States.

Franklin in NC

Dear Franklin,

Let us see if we understand this correctly. In 1998 you supported the impeachment of President Clinton because:

If he will lie to or mislead his wife and daughter, those with whom he is most intimate, what will prevent him from doing the same to the American public?

Private conduct does have public consequences.

So when you say the impeachment was “a great mistake that should never have happened,” we wonder: does that mean you’ve changed your mind since 1998? Or does it merely mean that you’re weaseling around to appear even-handed, when in fact the core of white Christian fundamentalism is apparently nothing more than raw tribalism. We think your comments from January answer that question:

We certainly don’t hold him up as the pastor of this nation and he is not. But I appreciate the fact that the president does have a concern for Christian values, he does have a concern to protect Christians whether it’s here at home or around the world, and I appreciate the fact that he protects religious liberty and freedom.

We translate that as: “The God-King doesn’t live our moral dogma, but that’s okay … because he’ll help us impose our moral dogma on Those People.”

We conclude that you must have been absent the day your seminary taught the Parable of the Mote and the Beam.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Shouldn’t Chef have made the Cinco de Mayo Breakfast Nachos yesterday? Also, how does she make them?

Calendaring Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Squirrel,

Chef says these Breakfast Nachos are a wonderful way to use the leftovers from the campus Cinco de Mayo fiesta. She uses the recipe at the link below. Bon appétit!

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Photo Credit: MSNBC

Franklin in NC; “Private conduct does have public consequences”; “he protects religious liberty and freedom”; Parable of the Mote and the Beam.

Cinco de Mayo Breakfast Nachos

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Happy Sunday!