“Metaphorist for life,” Professor Plum said as he walked into the mail room. “Maybe we’ll have to give that a shot some day.”

He read the mail…. (More)

Professor Plum left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar mail room, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor wondered if he were the Sucker for Life, as he seemed poised to lose … again. He had opened the pot by raising with a pair of Queens – Spades and Diamonds – and both Chef and the Squirrel called.

The flop brought the Ace and Six of Clubs and the Nine of Hearts. Chef and the Squirrel checked and, sure that at least one of them had an Ace, the Professor of Astrology Janitor checked behind them.

The Nine of Spades on the turn gave him yet another reason to feel sure his hand was beaten. Yet Chef and the Squirrel both checked again, so he felt he should at least take a stab at the pot with a minimum bet. When both called, he felt sure they were trapping each other and his hand was as dead as the proverbial doornail.

The Three of Diamonds on the river didn’t seem to change anything, but this time Chef led with a half-pot-sized bet. The Squirrel thought for a long moment and called. Chef might have been bluffing, but the Squirrel would not call unless he had something. It seemed like the Squirrel would have raised if he had a Nine and three-of-a-kind. Then again, he might just call and hope the Professor of Astrology Janitor would call and sweeten the pot. Or the Squirrel might have an Ace, for Aces and Nines, and not want to risk a raise. Regardless, the Professor of Astrology Janitor seemed to be beaten.

Yet the pot odds were 4:1. Was there a one-in-four chance that his hand was good … a 50-50 chance that Chef bet, and a 50-50 chance that the Squirrel called, with something worse than Queens and Nines? For example, Chef might well have called pre-flop, checked the flop, check-called the turn, and bet the river with hands like Eight-Seven – a unmade straight draw – or Six-Blank for Nines and Sixes. The Squirrel might have reached the same conclusion and called Chef’s river bet with Jacks or Tens.

As he replayed the pot in his mind, the Professor of Astrology Janitor was sure he was talking himself into a weak, Sucker for Life call. But it was a good board to bluff or bet with a marginal hand, and the math was the math. “Oh, why not?” he said and turned over his cards. “I call. Queens and Nines.”

“Wow,” Chef said, turning over the Six and Five of Clubs, Nines and Sixes with a busted flush. “Gutsy.”

The Squirrel pushed his cards into the muck and tapped at his Blewberry. “I hate pocket Jacks. Just sayin’.”

The Professor of Astrology Janitor wondered if he had just made a ‘hero call’ or merely been lucky with a Sucker for Life call. Probably the latter, he decided, and began his plaintive mewling. Chef went to the kitchen to make Strongman Eggs in Peppers with Fit Grits, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

Dear Ms. Crissie,

China’s President Xi Jinping is now president for life. President for life. No, he’s great. And look, he was able to do that. I think it’s great. Maybe we’ll have to give that a shot some day.

Oh, and I still think Crooked Hillary belongs in jail. I’m telling you, it’s a rigged system. I’ve been saying that for a long time. It’s a rigged system. And we don’t have the right people in there yet. We have a lot of great people, but certain things, we don’t have the right people.

The President of the United States, Chief Executive, Commander in Chief, and Leader of the Free World

Dear God-King,

We suspect you will dismiss this as “fake news” – never mind that someone recorded your remarks and gave a copy to CNN – or latch onto the immediate Twitter spin that you were just joking. Yet many Latin American analysts have long recognized you as a wannabe caudillo and we were not surprised that you exposed your authoritarian fantasies at a private fundraiser. We hope voters will take heed in the November midterms and elect a Democratic Congress to block you.


Dear Ms. Crissie,

Ahh, the Just Kidding Excuse. Sigh. So, is there a Strong Squirrels version of Chef’s Strongman Eggs in Peppers with Fit Grits? And how does she make those?

Just Hungry in Blogistan

Dear Squirrel,

Chef says she used the recipe below, mostly. “Mostly” because she notes that the title includes grits but the ingredients list brown rice and the instructions mention farina. She went with the title and uses grits.

Oh, and Chef says she made a Strong Squirrels version with macadamias, sunflower seeds, and berries in the green pepper rings, instead of eggs and grits. Bon appétit!


Image Credit: Washington Post

God-King; immediate Twitter spin; Latin American analysts … a wannabe caudillo.

Strongman Eggs in Peppers with Fit Grits.


Happy Sunday!