“I considered replacing the resident faculty with the staff,” Professor Plum said as he walked into the mail room.

He read the mail…. (More)

“Then I realized the Squirrel does all their work anyway,” Plum added.

The Squirrel sighed and tapped at his Blewberry: “You got that right.”

Professor Plum then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor considered replacing the Fours with face cards, as he’d been dealt Face-Four offsuit four hands in a row. So he was disgusted but not surprised when he saw the Four of Clubs in his next hand. He was a bit less disgusted when he saw it had come with the Ace of Clubs, but not excited enough to risk a big pot, so he called the big blind. Chef called from the small blind, and the Squirrel decided to check and see what the flop offered.

It brought the Ace of Hearts and the Three and Four of Spades. Chef and the Squirrel checked, so the Professor of Astrology Janitor put in a half-pot sized bet with his Aces and Fours. Chef called, but the Squirrel nudged a pot-sized raise into the middle.

Did the Squirrel have a pair of Threes, for three-of-a-kind? Five-Deuce and a Five-high straight? Might he be over-betting a naked Ace, or semi-bluffing with a Spade flush draw? And with what might Chef have called?

The more the Professor of Astrology Janitor pondered, the more he convinced himself that his two pair was already behind. He folded and, when Chef called, he was sure his guess was right.

The Eight of Clubs fell on the turn. Chef checked and the Squirrel counted the pot and looked at his chips. His tail was still but his whiskers twitched, as if he were solving a math problem or sniffing his macadamia bowl. He finally checked.

The Queen of Spades came on the river and Chef put in a half-pot-sized bet. The Squirrel pushed the rest of his chips into the middle and tapped at his Blewberry: “I’m all in.”

“Oh dear,” Chef said. “You must have the Ace.”

The Squirrel did not reply. His tail didn’t flick. His whiskers were still. He simply looked up at her.

“Okay, you’ll have to show me,” Chef said, turning over the Jack and Six of Spades for a Queen-high flush.

The Squirrel turned over the Ace and Five for the Ace-high flush, and Chef patted the table to congratulate him.

“I should have–” the Professor of Astrology Janitor began, and then shook his head. “Nah, one of you would have called anyway.”

He began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to make Perfect French Toast, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I considered replacing Hillary Clinton as the Democratic Party nominee in 2016. Anytime I got frustrated with her aides, I reminded them that the DNC charter empowered me to initiate the replacement of the nominee and, when she fainted after the September 11th memorial ceremony, I gave it considerable thought. Again and again I thought about Joe Biden but, no matter my doubts and my fears about the election and Hillary as a candidate, I could not make good on that threat to replace her. I thought of Hillary, and all the women in the country who were so proud of and excited about her. I could not do this to them.

Donna in D.C.

Dear Donna,

We respectfully invoke bovine excrement. Given how quickly and thoroughly your first ‘bombshell’ of Clinton’s “secret takeover of the DNC” was debunked by the memo showing that her party leadership role applied only in the general election campaign, we are a bit surprised that the Washington Post published this new ‘bombshell.’ However, we note that the Post began to correct the story as Josh Marshall and other researchers debunked your new claims. We hope the media will adopt a “twice bitten, thrice shy” approach to any future ‘bombshells’ from your book, as it’s clear that you have exaggerated if not outright fabricated major portions of your tale.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I think Donna’s book is about as true as French toast is … well … French. And speaking of that, how does Chef make Perfect French Toast?

Avide pour le petit-déjeuner in Blogistan

Dear Squirrel,

We’re happy to see that you are eager for breakfast, and that you found an English-to-French translator. Chef also applauds you for knowing that French toast is not actually French. It first appears in a 4th or 5th century collection of Latin recipes, but that recipe used only milk and not eggs. It was widely known across Medieval Europe and the Germans dubbed it Arme Ritter or “poor knights” – while the French call it pain perdu or “lost bread” – because the recipe offered a tasty way to make use of stale bread.

Chef begins by whisking 5 eggs, 1 cup of milk, 1 Tablespoon of ground cinnamon, and 1 teaspoon of sugar in a wide bowl. She then dips slices of Italian bread on each side, whisking again between slices to redistribute the cinnamon, and grills them on a lightly-buttered, 375º griddle. She notes that the sugar in the egg mixture helps the toast turn a beautiful golden brown. As she stacks the toast on a serving platter, she tops each slice with a pat of butter. Chef notes that her recipe makes about 20 slices – plenty for the resident faculty and staff on a Sunday morning – so others can adjust the ingredients proportionally for smaller or larger groups. Bon appétit!

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Photo Credit: Bridget Mulcahy (POLITICO)

Donna in D.C.; “secret takeover of the DNC”; memo showing that her party leadership role applied only in the general election campaign; the Post immediately began to correct the story as Josh Marshall and other researchers debunked Brazile’s new claims.

French toast is not French.

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Happy Sunday!