“I know the Janitor’s poker luck is awful,” Professor Plum said as he entered the mail room, “but it’s wonderful to watch!”

He read the mail…. (More)

Professor Plum then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum.

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor’s luck had indeed been awful. So after folding for over a half-hour, he was thrilled to see a pair of red Queens. Chef opened by calling the big blind, and the Squirrel also called. The Professor of Astrology Janitor didn’t want a three-way pot against who-knew-what, so he offered a pot-sized raise.

Chef shrugged and folded. The Squirrel took another peek at his cards and eyed the Professor of Astrology Janitor. His tail twitched – the Squirrel’s not the Professor of Astrology Janitor’s – and he tapped at his Blewberry: “I’d love to have seen a flop with this hand, but not against a big pair.”

The Squirrel folded and the Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling as he scooped in the small pot. Chef went to the kitchen to make Potato-Bacon Breakfast Tacos, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I hear the Coast Guard saved 11,000 people during Hurricane Harvey. Think of it, almost 11,000 people by going into winds that the media would not go into. They will not go into those winds, unless it’s a really good story. It’s been really nice. It’s been a wonderful thing. As tough as this was, it’s been a wonderful thing, I think even for the country to watch it and for the world to watch. It’s been beautiful. I couldn’t wear sanitary gloves when I passed along meals at a shelter, because my hands are too big! Anyway, have a good time, everybody!

The President of the United States, Commander in Chief, Chief Executive, and Leader of the Free World

Dear God-King,

We commend you for actually visiting a hurricane shelter on this trip to Texas. Alas, we find nothing else to commend about your comments. For example, you criticize the media for not rescuing people, yet TV news crews are neither trained nor equipped for search and rescue work. With resources always stretched thin, emergency officials would rather not have to send teams to rescue TV news crews … and thus officials repeatedly caution the media to not venture out during severe storms.

Further, we cannot fathom how you can describe a disaster that has killed at least 45 people, caused multiple oil spills and three chemical plant explosions, and devastated America’s fifth largest city and hundreds of other Gulf Coast communities as “really nice … a wonderful thing.”

As for boasting about the size of your hands – reviving a GOP debate exchange that was clearly about your genitalia – we must ask: have you no shame?

Indeed, among your many inane comments we can only applaud “have a good time, everybody!” … and only because it meant you were leaving. Well, leaving Houston. Sadly, you haven’t yet left the rest of us.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I saw that someone rescued a bunch of baby squirrels in Houston, along with lots of other animals. Unfortunately, they couldn’t rescue every animal in crisis, or every human, so I can’t call it “really nice … a wonderful thing.”

Are Potato-Bacon Breakfast Tacos a Houston specialty? How does Chef make them?

Hoping Breakfast Is a Wonderful Thing in Blogistan

Dear Squirrel,

Yes, many people have shown courage and kindness in Harvey’s wake. But like you, we reserve phrases like “really nice … a wonderful thing” for events that don’t involve dozens of human deaths and probably hundreds of animal deaths, thousands of lost homes, and other devastation.

Chef says Potato-Bacon Breakfast Tacos are indeed a Houston specialty, and she uses the recipe at the link below. Bon appétit!

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Photo Credit: Getty Images

God-King; “my hands are too big … have a good time, everybody!” “killed at least 45 people … explosions

Rescued baby squirrels.

Potato-Bacon Breakfast Tacos.

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Happy Sunday!