“If that new Hawaiian shirt cost $51 instead of $60,” Professor Plum said, “my $49 would be enough to buy it.”

He read the mail…. (More)

Chef noted that Professor Plum already had enough Hawaiian shirts to blind an army. Professor Plum winked and left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor also wished he had more chips. He was pretty sure his Ace and King of Hearts was the strongest hand, after the Ace of Clubs and the Jack and Six of Hearts on the flop gave him a pair of Aces, a King kicker, and a Heart flush draw. But a pair of Aces probably wouldn’t stand up in a three-way pot. Both Chef and the Squirrel had called his opening raise, and he didn’t have enough chips for a bet big enough to scare both of them out.

He counted his stack and slid it into the middle. “I’m all in.”

“I have to call,” Chef said.

The Squirrel tapped at his Blewberry: “Me too.”

The Professor of Astrology Janitor sighed and showed his cards. Chef turned over the Ace and Jack of Spades, and the Squirrel showed a pair of black Sixes. The Professor of Astrology Janitor needed one of the nine remaining Hearts. He also needed neither of the final to cards to pair the board, which would give the Squirrel and possibly Chef a full house. Or he could hope for the lone remaining Ace and one of the three remaining King to make his own full house.

The odds of that were slim indeed, and Slim rode the bus out of town when the Seven of Diamonds fell on the turn. The Three of Clubs on the river changed nothing and the Squirrel took the pot with three Sixes.

The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to make a Gut-Buster Breakfast, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

The President of the United States, Chief Executive, Commander-in-Chief, and Leader of the Free World

Dear God-King,

We commend your endless capacity for whining. However, we note that none of the failed Wealthcare Act bills faced a filibuster, as each was adjusted to fit the Senate rules for budget reconciliation. As such, each bill needed only 51 votes – 50 of the 52 Senate Republicans, plus the Vice God-King’s tie-breaker – and none could get even that simple majority. The failure was not due to the filibuster, but rather the fact that Senate Republicans, like their House colleagues, are not a monolithic bloc.

We note that someone who understood Senate procedure, health care policy, and the varying concerns of Senate Republicans might argue that – if there were no filibuster and thus no budget reconciliation limits – Majority Leader McConnell and other leaders might have crafted a bill that could have won 51 Senate Republican votes. While we doubt that such a bill could be written, we needn’t debate that issue as we have no evidence to suggest that you understand Senate procedure, health care policy, or the varying concerns of Senate Republicans. Thus, we see no reason to credit you with making that argument.

Instead, we conclude that you are flailing about like a two-year-old, hurling words-without-meaning, hoping your voters will blame the filibuster, or Sens. Susan Collins, John McCain, and Lisa Murkowski, or Senate Democrats, or anyone but you and Republican leaders … for never, despite seven years of promises, producing a workable alternative to Obamacare.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Senate Republicans this week reminded me of young squirrels who say they’ve done their homework but didn’t, and then scramble to fill in the blanks when the teacher calls in the papers. Not that I ever did that….

So, um, is a Gut-Buster Breakfast filling, or is it supposed to help you lose weight, or what? Also, how does Chef make it?

Fill-a-Busting Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Squirrel,

We accept your word that you never scrambled to finish your homework as the teacher was calling in the papers. Certainly we never did that either. (cough) However, we agree it’s a very apt metaphor.

Chef says the Gut-Buster Breakfast is both filling and will also help people lose belly fat, as it focuses on protein, whole grains, fruit, and healthy oils. Chef makes it by frying two eggs, toasting two whole wheat English muffins, smearing each muffin with crushed ripe avocado, then placing an egg and a slice of tomato on each muffin. Bon appétit!

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Photo Credit: Associated Press

God-King.

Gut-Buster Breakfast.

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Happy Sunday!