Professor Plum walked into the mail room wearing a one-sleeved Hawaiian shirt and shrugged. “I pulled on a string.”

He read the mail…. (More)

“At least it’s less blinding with only one sleeve,” Professor Plum said.

“Marginally,” Chef agreed.

Professor Plum then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor tried to pull the string that would unravel Chef’s surprising play. Chef opened the pot with a small raise. The Squirrel called and the Professor of Astrology Janitor looked at a pair of red Tens. He briefly considered a raise but instead only called.

The flop brought the Ten and Six of Clubs, and the Eight of Hearts. The Squirrel checked and the Professor of Astrology Janitor considered whether to bet his three Tens or give Chef a chance to bet into him. He chose to check and Chef checked behind. The Six of Diamonds on the turn gave the Professor of Astrology Janitor a full house of Tens over Sixes. The Squirrel offered a half-pot sized bet and, not wanting to chase anyone out of the pot, the Professor of Astrology Janitor called. Chef called as well.

The river brought the Eight of Clubs. The Professor of Astrology Janitor still had a full house, now Tens over Eights. The Squirrel checked and the Professor of Astrology Janitor considered his options. He figured the Squirrel probably had two big cards like Ace-King or Ace-Queen, missed the flop, tried to bluff on the turn, and was ready to fold to any bet. Chef definitely had something to call at the turn, perhaps a flush or straight draw. If the former, she made her flush at the river. If the latter, she had missed her straight draw. Or she might have had a Six or Eight in-hand, called with three of a kind or two pair, and made a smaller full house at the river. Unless she had a missed straight, she would at least call and pay off his Tens-full … so the Professor of Astrology Janitor put in a teaser bet.

Chef thought for a moment. “I think I’m good,” she said as she counted her chips. “So I’ll move all-in.”

The Squirrel folded and the Professor of Astrology Janitor was about to call when he paused to reconsider. Might she have a pair of Eights or Sixes, for four-of-a-kind? Both seemed unlikely, as she would probably have bet the flop to protect a middle or bottom set. Could she have an Ace-Face of Clubs and think an Ace-high flush was good, despite two pair on the board?

Regardless, he couldn’t fold. “Call,” he said. “Tens full of Eights.”

“Very nice,” Chef said. She turned over the Nine and Seven of Clubs. “I flopped a straight and made the nuts at the river.”

The Squirrel tapped at his Blewberry: “Speaking of nuts….”

The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to get the Squirrel a bowl of macadamias and make String Cheese Scrambled Eggs, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….


Dear Ms. Crissie,

Some skeptics have worried that the scope of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation will be too narrow, but I’m not among them. That investigation that’s named in the appointment is already one that has, as far as we can tell, a number of tentacles and offshoots that involves conduct over a fairly lengthy period of time involving a lot of people. This gives him the authority to pull on all kinds of string and see where they lead him. As long as you’re following a string that’s connected to the string of Russian influence on the election – however that may have occurred, whoever that may have involved – would seem to fall within that appointment.

Samuel in NC

Dear Samuel,

We commend your mixed metaphors. The God-King’s ties to Russian intelligence are indeed a tangled mass of tentacles, offshoots, and strings. Indeed we think that has worked to the God-King’s favor, so far, as the story has been too complex to grasp. The ambiguity raised by that complexity has allowed the God-King and his supporters to weave their own conspiracy theories and muddy the issue even further. But we agree with your analysis that, ultimately, the tangled mass will make it easier for Mueller to follow the evidence wherever it leads.

The AP reports that Mueller may be looking at Attorney General Jeff Sessions, both for his own ties to Russia and also for his involvement in the firing of former FBI Director James Comey. The AP also reports that Mueller may look at Deputy Attorney General Rob Rosenstein’s involvement in the Comey firing, and Rosenstein has already said he will recuse himself if he becomes a subject of the investigation. If both Sessions and Rosenstein are subjects, that leaves no God-King appointee to interfere with the investigation and Mueller would truly be free to pull whatever strings he finds most promising.

To mix metaphors even further, we suspect that – by the time Mueller finishes tugging on those strings – he will have woven a net that will ensnare many of the God-King’s confidants … and probably the God-King himself.


Dear Ms. Crissie,

Is it true that cats shouldn’t play with string? I’m asking for a friend.

Stringing Along a Metaphor in Blogistan

Dear Squirrel,

Yes, it’s true that cats should never be left alone to play with string. Indeed cats should never play with fuzzy string – such as yarn – even with human supervision. The reason is that a cat’s tongue has barbs to help with grooming and, in the wild, with licking meat off of bones. Because the barbs point toward the throat, a cat cannot spit out anything that gets hooked by those tongue-barbs. Fuzzy strings like yarn hook on those barbs like Velcro, leaving the cat no choice but to keep swallowing, and that can lead to a potentially fatal gastro-intestinal blockage. Even smooth strings or ribbons can easily get caught on those barbs, so cats should never play with them unless a human is there to help extract them if needed.


Deer Mz Krissi,

So datz y u dont let me haz da string toyz?

Da Friend Dat Da Skwirrel Wuz Askin 4

Dear Pootie the Precious,

Yes, sweetie, that’s why we don’t let you play with string toys. We want to keep you safe and healthy.

Deer Mz Krissi,

k thanx bai

Luvz n Hedbuttz


Dear Ms. Crissie,

Awww. Oh, I almost forgot. How does Chef make String Cheese Scrambled Eggs?

Stringing Out Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Squirrel,

Chef says that is very easy, perhaps because the recipe was invented by a child. Simply whisk 3 eggs together with 1 Tablespoon of milk and salt and pepper to taste, then scramble with half a clump of string cheese. As the eggs begin to set up, spread the other half of the clump over the top of the eggs, so it can melt into stringy patterns as the eggs finish cooking. Bon appétit!


Photo Credit: Larry Downing (Reuters)

Samuel in NC.

Cats and String.

String Cheese Scrambled Eggs.


Happy Sunday!