“That bit about me being a fictional board game character?” Professor Plum said as he entered the mail room. “It’s a made-up story.” (More)
“Well of course,” Chef agreed. “The board game really exists.”
Professor Plum winked and then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the
wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).
In the staff poker game, the
Professor of Astrology Janitor suspected Chef’s re-raise was a made-up story. He had opened the pot by raising with the Tens of Diamonds and Spades. The Squirrel folded and Chef called. The flop brought the Ace of Spades, Ten of Clubs, and Six of Hearts. The Professor of Astrology Janitor offered a half-pot-sized bet, both as a routine continuation play and to protect his three Tens. Chef pondered for a moment, and called.
The Ace of Clubs on the turn gave him a full house of Tens over Aces. He checked, hoping Chef had an Ace and would bet, and indeed she counted out a minimum bet and slid her chips into the middle. The
Professor of Astrology Janitor sprung his trap with a pot-sized raise … and Chef said “I’m all-in.”
There were exactly nine hands that could beat him. If Chef had the other two Aces, she had four-of-a-kind. If she had one of the two other Aces and the lone remaining Ten, or one of the two other Aces and any of the three remaining Sixes, she had Aces-full. The
Professor of Astrology Janitor was certain that Chef would have raised pre-flop with a pair of Aces, so he ruled out that possibility. He also knew Chef wouldn’t have called a pre-flop raise with an unsuited Ace-Baby. That left two danger hands: the Ace-Ten of Hearts and the Ace-Six of Diamonds. Chef might also have called pre-flop with an unsuited Ace-King – such as the Ace of Hearts and King or Queen of Spades – and thought her three Aces with a King kicker were the best hand. Or she might be running a very bold bluff.
Professor of Astrology Janitor decided he couldn’t fold to only two possible danger hands. “I call,” he said, turning over his Tens.
“Ouch,” Chef said, revealing her Ace of Diamonds and King of Hearts. “I figured at worst we’d split the pot.”
“No King, no Six,” the
Professor of Astrology Janitor muttered as the Squirrel dealt the final card.
And of course it was the Six of Clubs, giving Chef Aces-full-over-Sixes. The Squirrel tapped at his Blewberry: “Sorry.”
Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to prepare Made-Up BLTs, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….
Dear Ms. Crissie,
I was gonna fire James Comey regardless of the recommendation. Rod Rosenstein made – he made a recommendation. He’s highly respected, very good guy, very smart guy. The Democrats like him. Republicans like him. He made a recommendation but regardless of the recommendation I was going to fire Comey knowing, there was no good time to do it. And in fact when I decided to do it, I said to myself, I said you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made-up story. It’s an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election they should have won. And the reason they should have won is the Electoral College is almost impossible for a Republican to win. Very hard. Because you start off at such a disadvantage. So everybody was thinking, they should have won the election. This was an excuse for having lost an election.
The President of the United States, Chief Executive, Commander-in-Chief, and Leader of the Free World
We must acknowledge your brazenness, as you admitted that you fired Comey in an attempt to shut down an FBI investigation of your and your campaign’s ties to the Russian meddling in our election. Of course, we note that you did this only after letting your staff spend two days trying to convince people you fired Comey over his handling of the Hillary Clinton email probe, the reason cited in Rosenstein’s letter. No impartial observer believed that , but it might have become The Official Story had you stuck to it. Instead, you decided to hoist a rhetorical middle finger to your critics …
… and to hoist a rhetorical middle finger to the rule of law. Then, as if that weren’t enough, you publicly threatened Comey by suggesting you may have tapes of your conversations with him, as if that might stop him from testifying in a Senate or House investigation. We have no doubt that, when a Senate or House committee does subpoena him, you will claim executive privilege in another attempt to stop his testimony. We also have no doubt that you will attempt to fire his successor if the FBI continue their investigation – which they will – and that you will attempt to fire Deputy Attorney General Rosenstein if he appoints a special prosecutor.
We conclude that you still have not realized that the U.S. government is not your personally-owned business. And while Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker Paul Ryan seem willing to prostrate themselves to protect you, we are ever-more confident that dam will burst – sooner or later – and you will face justice in both the courts and the polling booth.
Dear Ms. Crissie,
You haven’t sounded this confident in a while. What changed? Also, what is a Made-Up BLT and does it include macadamias?
Curiously Hungry in Blogistan
What changed is simply that the God-King had dropped his pretenses. He seems to believe he is a law unto himself – the Latin phrase Lex Rex (“the King is the Law”) comes to mind – and that he can declare as much. He might skated by had he kept to The Official Story and offered Republicans (barely) plausible deniability. But by publicly declaring his omnipotence, he has forfeited any shred of a credible defense … and we are confident that our institutions can deal with such naked hubris.
As for a Made-Up BLT, Chef says that’s an ordinary BLT with her lip prints on the bread after she takes a bite. We’re not sure how she plans to make those for the rest of the staff and students. We know she won’t kiss each sandwich, as she respects the rule of law, especially health codes.
She says made up BLTs have no macadamias, but she’ll set a bowl out for you. Bon appétit!
Photo Credit: CNN