“The resident faculty searched my sock drawer,” Professor Plum said as he entered the mail room.

He read the mail…. (More)

Chef asked him what they found, and Professor Plum answered: “Uh, socks.”

He then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor wanted to search the deck for better cards. He’d folded a dozen junk hands in a row and was now looking at the Jack of Hearts and Four of Clubs. Chef offered a pot-sized raise to open and the Squirrel folded. The Professor of Astrology Janitor took another look at his cards, muttered “Jack S–t,” and tossed them into the muck.

“I had Nine Poop,” the Squirrel texted.

Chef flashed a pair of Queens. “I hoped to win more with these ladies.”

She scooped in the small pot and the Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling. Chef went to the kitchen to make a Fact-Free Breakfast, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

The President of the United States, Chief Executive, Commander in Chief, and Leader of the Free World

Dear God-King,

We note that you offer not a scintilla of evidence for this conspiracy theory. While the BBC reported back in that the Department of Justice requested a FISA order to intercept electronic transfers from Russian banks, and a Heat Street article claims a sharply-narrowed version of that request was ultimately approved. But neither report cites any named sources or offers documentary evidence. A Breitbart News article cites only wingnut talk show host Mark Levin’s accusation that President Obama attempted “a coup,” and the National Review parrots the unsourced Heat Street report as if it were fact. In short, despite all the blather, all of this traces to two unsourced articles, neither of which claims or proves that the Trump Tower was wiretapped. And as The Intercept’s Jon Schwarz notes, if you have evidence that any wiretap was ordered, then you have the authority to declassify and release it.

The Washington Post’s Chris Cillizza summarizes this non-evidence nicely:

The idea that Obama himself authorized – and was able to get approval for – the wiretapping of the opposition party’s candidate for president is, frankly, far-fetched. And if someone is making that claim – as Trump is now doing – the burden of proof is on them. If you are going to say there is a grand conspiracy that only you and a handful of others see, you need to offer a step-by-step explanation to the broader public to show why you’re right.
[…]
It seems unlikely – given Trump’s past pattern of making baseless claims without proof and then simply insisting he is right and no evidence is needed to prove the point – that any meaningful effort will be made by the Trump administration to connect the dots on this alleged wiretapping conspiracy.

Here’s the thing: Conspiracy theorists see everything as connected. If you doubt them, well of course you do because you’re in on it. That’s not the standard that we can have for the president of the United States. Proof is required.

Although you have the authority to release solid evidence to prove this claim, we doubt you will. We conclude that this is yet another fact-free conspiracy theory.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Umm, what’s a Fact-Free Breakfast and can squirrels eat it?

Asking for a Friend in Blogistan

Dear Squirrel,

Any animal can enjoy a delicious, fact-free breakfast. Chef begins with a cup of Nothing and stirs in 2 Tablespoons of Nichts. She then sautés it in a teaspoon of Nada for 5 moments, and serves it on a toasted Niente with a garnish of Nani Mo. She notes that this recipe is calorie-, sodium-, fat-, gluten-, and carbohydrate-free. Bon appétit!

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Photo Credit: Associated Press

God-King; BBC report; Heat Street report; Breitbart News article citing Mark Levin; National Review parrots Heat Street; neither of which claims or proves the Trump Tower was wiretapped; Jon Schwarz; Chris Cillizza.

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Happy Sunday!