How the holiday really happens…. (More)
T’was two nights before Christmas and all through the house,
All the creatures were stirring, except for the mouse.
He was soundly asleep by his exercise wheel,
His water tube full and his door snugly sealed.
Mom was assembling the My Little Kitchen.
Was she having trouble? Not even a smidgeon.
She’d read the instructions, not oncely but twicely,
And all of the pieces were fitting quite nicely.
Dad, not so lucky, was stuck on the Xbox.
In trying to set up the parental locks.
Up-Arrow twice, Down then Left, Up again,
A system designed by more dexterous young men.
One that Billy could undo in five seconds flat,
And would when Dad finished. (There’s a lesson in that.)
No first-person shooters or gore-spattered games,
Unless Dad was there. (Billy thought that was lame.)
Christina was hanging the lights on the tree.
The extension cord count was now up to three.
“The lights still won’t twinkle,” she mournfully moaned,
While down in the cellar the breaker box groaned.
In her room, young Cindy was wrapping her gifts,
With three yards of tape lest the paper would lift.
It stuck to her fingers, it stuck to her hair,
And to her pajamas with red teddy bears.
Meanwhile, Mittens watched all with disinterested eyes.
Licking her paws with little cat sighs.
Thinking the while that she shouldn’t be bitter,
As all she would get was a fresh box of litter.
“Oh screw it!” Dad said. “I can’t set this lock,
“These half-assed instructions are all such a crock.”
“Let me try,” said Billy with innocent eyes.
(Clearly his gift would not be a surprise.)
Billy took the controller and wiggled his thumbs.
Screens flashed by so quickly that Dad’s eyes went numb.
“It’s all set,” Billy said, “Now I can’t play those games.”
(Except for the ones with the encrypted names.)
Mom opened the fridge and the tiny light glowed.
And now on the shelves all the fake food she stowed.
The oven door opened. The stove knobs all turned.
The flames were blue plastic; no hands would be burned.
She arranged pots and pans with their glistening lids,
Plastic spatulas and spoons, all sized down for kids.
“It’s perfect!” Mom said with a warm glow of pride.
“Looks great!” Dad agreed, his bruised ego to hide.
“Now to put it somewhere that Cindy won’t look,”
Billy snickered and said, “Maybe under a book?”
Mom shot him a glare, “Cindy’s too young to read.”
As the girl shuffled out, “Um, Mom, I just peed.”
“I went to the bathroom,” she said in a rush.
“But the tape stuck my jammies and now they’re all mush.
“Oh! That’s My Little Kitchen! Did Santa come early?”
Her eyes all aglow (and a tiny bit squirrely).
Mom made herself smile and picked up the girl … squish!
“Santa needed some help with your holiday wish,”
Mom said as the warm liquid soaked through her shirt.
“Let’s get all that tape off, and no, it won’t hurt.”
Mittens purred with dark glee while licking her paw.
Then a big, sleepy yawn extended her maw.
“Poor hoomans,” she thought, “but dis servez dem rite,
“Maree Krissmass 2 all, an 2 all a gud nite!”
Photo Credit: Erin (Sunny Side Up)
Good day and good nuts