“Is Chef making Trash Browns today?” Professor Plum asked as he walked into the mail room.

He didn’t read the mail either. (More)

Chef said she would, and Professor Plum left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum.

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor asked for Smushage Gravy. He then peeked at his Ace and Queen of Hearts and opened with a pot-sized raise.

Chef flashed the Jack of Diamonds and Three of Clubs before folding. She nodded and said, “That gravy sounds good.”

The Professor of Astrology Janitor looked at the meager pot, most of which was his own bet, and began his plaintive mewling. Chef went to the kitchen to make Trash Browns with Smushage Gravy, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to trade texts with the Squirrel….

Squirrel@BPI: So how did East Greensludge vote on Tuesday?

MsCrissie@BPI: Like New Jersey overall, East Greensludge went for Hillary Clinton.

Squirrel@BPI: How about the owners of the Superfund Diner?

MsCrissie@BPI: Yep, Wanda and Craig said they voted for Hillary.

Squirrel@BPI: Wanda’s also the daytime waitress, right? And by night she’s a superhero … The Flyswatter?

MsCrissie@BPI: Shhh. Her superhero identity is a secret.

Squirrel@BPI: It would be more secret if she didn’t wear her waitress uniform as her superhero costume. Or at least took off her nametag.

MsCrissie@BPI: Well, she does wear a tablecloth as a cape.

Squirrel@BPI: What about the other East Greensludgians? Did all of them vote for Hillary too?

MsCrissie@BPI: All except The Doomerang.

Squirrel@BPI: He’s the supervillain with the nuclear-armed boomerang, right? The one Wanda called “a self-solving problem?”

MsCrissie@BPI: Yep. He said he voted for Trump coz he thinks Trump will “blow things up,” and he likes that.

Squirrel@BPI: Hey, I just noticed there’s a dumpster beside the diner now. Do you have a closeup so I can read the decal?

MsCrissie@BPI: Sure do.

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Squirrel@BPI: Greensludge Garbage & Hauling, huh? Well, I guess someone has to Keep Greater Greensludge Green.

MsCrissie@BPI: And sludgy. One of the high schoolers added that.

Squirrel@BPI: Where’s the school?

MsCrissie@BPI: Across the street.

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Squirrel@BPI: What’s that behind the wall?

MsCrissie@BPI: A glowworm, the school mascot. Here’s a close-up.

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Squirrel@BPI: Did the school shop class make that statue?

MsCrissie@BPI: Yes, they did. Why?

Squirrel@BPI: No reason. So what’s on the signs across the road?

MsCrissie@BPI: Just directions, plus the usual school zone stuff.

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Squirrel@BPI: Wait, what’s that wooden sign down near the weeds?

MsCrissie@BPI: That says “Ghost Crossing.” High school kids made that too. The mayor thinks it’s clever and the DOT guys left it alone.

Squirrel@BPI: The swamp across the street sure is foggy.

MsCrissie@BPI: It’s something about inversion layers over the bog as the nighttime temperature nears the dew point.

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Squirrel@BPI: Is it ever daytime in East Greensludge?

MsCrissie@BPI: Sure.

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Squirrel@BPI: Ooh. So … umm….

MsCrissie@BPI: Yes?

Squirrel@BPI: Well, are you ever going to finish the diner inside? And add a front door?

MsCrissie@BPI: That’s next on the list. We kinda got distracted doing the outside stuff. Plus the election and all.

Squirrel@BPI: Speaking of, did we get any real mail this week? Like from Trump or his henchmen spokespeople?

MsCrissie@BPI: Probably. But we didn’t want to read it.

Squirrel@BPI: I definitely understand that. I guess Trash Browns with Smushage Gravy is a Superfund Diner recipe? How does Chef make it?

Chef@BPI: Yes, it’s a Superfund Diner recipe. To make Trash Browns, peel and shred five large potatoes and boil them for 3-5 minutes, until they just start to soften. Drain them, then gently stir in 2 Tablespoons of butter, a cup of shredded Cheddar cheese, and season to taste with salt and black pepper. Craig uses a big griddle at the Superfund Diner, but I fry them in a lightly-buttered, non-stick skillet over medium-high heat until they’re golden brown on both sides.

Chef@BPI: While the potatoes are browning, I fry six breakfast sausage patties in a separate skillet. I take them out with a spatula, lower the heat to medium, and whisk in 2 Tablespoons each of butter and all-purpose flour to make a roux. Let the roux brown slightly, then add 2 cups of milk a dash of black pepper and whisk until the milk comes to a boil and thickens. Bon appétit!

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Image Credits: Crissie Brown (BPICampus)

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Happy Sunday!