“I’m having an unprecedented wardrobe crisis,” Professor Plum said as he entered the mail room in his customary Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and sandals.
He read the mail…. (More)
Professor Plum then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the
wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).
In the staff poker game, the
Professor of Astrology Janitor had an unprecedented pot crisis. He had opened by calling the big blind with a pair of Kings. The Squirrel folded and Chef offered a pot-sized raise. The Professor of Astrology Janitor re-raised, a standard play with pocket Kings. But then Chef calmly moved all-in.
Professor of Astrology Janitor’s pocket Kings run into Chef’s pocket Aces, an unheard-of crisis that had never happened since … well … actually it happens about 1% of the time when someone is dealt pocket Kings in a three-player game. Rare, but not unheard-of.
Professor of Astrology Janitor pondered the situation. Chef had to know he held Aces or Kings from his limp-re-raise play. She had moved all-in, so he couldn’t push her off her hand. It was either an incredibly risky bluff, or she had a pair of Aces. And Chef bluffed often, but not this recklessly.
“It’s hard to toss a pair of Kings,” he said, flashing and then folding them.
“Wow,” Chef said as she flashed her Aces. “I’m not sure I could make that fold.”
Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to finish Unprecedented Blueberry Muffins, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….
Dear Ms. Crissie,
If Hillary Clinton were to win, it would create an unprecedented constitutional crisis. If she ever got into the Oval Office, Hillary and her special interests and her donors would rob this country blind.
Donald in NY
After receiving so many letters from you, we can only applaud that the election is two days away, after which we hope never to hear from you again. As to your claim of an “unprecedented constitutional crisis,” we can only speculate as to what you mean. If you mean Senate Republicans would try to stonewall her Supreme Court nominees, we note that is hardly “unprecedented.” They’ve done that to President Obama for the past six months.
If you mean House Republicans would launch endless investigations, again, that is hardly “unprecedented.” They did that for most of President Bill Clinton’s term, and they’ve been doing it to Hillary Clinton for two years. Perhaps you mean they might actually move to impeach her. She would be the 44th President of the United States, and two – Andrew Johnson and Bill Clinton – have been impeached by the House. A House bill to impeach John Tyler was voted down in 1842, and Richard Nixon resigned before the full House could vote on the impeachment bill passed by the House Judiciary Committee in 1974. Thus, the House moved to impeach 4 of 44 of U.S. Presidents. Again, hardly “unprecedented” … and we’re confident that the Senate would acquit President Hillary Clinton, just as they did with her husband and President Andrew Johnson.
On the other hand, it would indeed be “unprecedented” for a U.S. President to order our military to commit war crimes, or to order the indictment of a former political opponent … both of which you have promised to do.
We dismiss the rest of your rant as the typical right-wing tactic of projecting onto Democrats the bad acts that you have committed or plan to commit yourself. And again, we applaud that this election will soon be over … and every forecast says you are likely to be a political has-been, indeed a never-quite-was, by Wednesday.
Dear Ms. Crissie,
How are Unprecedented Blueberry Muffins different from the Blueberry Muffins with Cinnamon Crumb Topping that Chef served last week?
Unprecedentedly Hungry in Blogistan
Dear Unprecedentedly Hungry,
Chef says it’s the same muffin recipe, but this week she’s serving them with Blueberry Compote. To make that, combine 1 cup of frozen blueberries in a small saucepan with 3 Tablespoons of water, ¼ cup of sugar, and 2 teaspoons of lemon juice. Cook over medium heat for about 10 minutes, then add another 1 cup of frozen blueberries and cook for 8 more minutes, stirring frequently. Bon appétit!
Photo Credit: Chris Carlson (AP)