It was a dark and foggy night in the middle of Nowhere…. (More)

Okay, so I’m not Edward George Bulwer-Lytton. Among other things, I won’t help form the Crown Colony of British Columbia, or add phrases like “the pen is mightier than the sword,” “the great unwashed,” and “the almighty dollar” to the English lexicon. And of course I won’t write this, the opening sentence from Bulwer-Lytton’s 1830 novel Paul Clifford:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents – except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

Because of course I’m not in London.

I’m in South Blogistan, which is not the middle of Nowhere, nor is the election about which I’m supposed to write, because I’m BPI’s roving reporter, a work-study gig while I finish my thesis on 21st Century Political Nuttitude, which both puts the election in a nutshell and also stomps on the shell, scattering bits around the room like a foosball table picked up, turned over, and smashed to the floor by the Hulk because Thor had been brushing his long, blonde locks rather than moving the back line players, causing a 3-2 loss in game five of a best-of-seven contest that, more and more, reminded Captain America of the 1943 World Series between his hometown Yankees and the St. Louis Cardinals, just like the 1942 Series, except in 1943 the Yankees won, not that Cap watched or even listened to the games because he’d been in Antarctica to destroy a Hydra base, but he read about it in Stars and Stripes which, thankfully, had just been delivered, along with fresh milk and new mesh laundry bags, to the destroyer that plucked him from the ice floe.

And what does that have to do with this election?


Really, what is there to write? The polls show Hillary Clinton a 6:1 favorite to win the White House and Democrats a 2:1 favorite to retake the Senate, while Republicans are likely to retain the House. The precise odds change day-to-day and week-to-week, but the gist hasn’t changed much since the first presidential debate.

Nor has the underlying narrative. Donald Trump is running a campaign fueled by and pitched to Angry White Men. Hillary Clinton is running a campaign fueled by and pitched to Everyone Else.

I suppose I could write a think piece about The Urban-Rural Divide, but lots of other people people already done that and none better than Cracked’s David Wong.

So I decided to look farther ahead, beyond the election, all the way out to April 30, 2017. That will be 100 days after the inauguration, most likely of Hillary Clinton. That will be a Sunday, so there’ll be the usual morning blatherfest. But who will be that day’s headline guests, and what topics will they discuss?

Will they assess the passage of a major infrastructure bill, an affordable college bill, comprehensive immigration reform, and much-needed fixes to Obamacare? Will they examine how Speaker Paul Ryan cobbled together Democrats and a handful of not-crazy Republicans to work with Senate Democrats and move legislation? How Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell convinced his members to allow the floor vote that confirmed President Clinton’s nominee for the Supreme Court?

Might that Sunday’s pundits and guests talk about President Clinton’s decision to reach across the aisle and focus first on rural development? If so, will progressives be hailing her for building legislative coalitions that the White House claims will enable more cooperation moving forward, or howling about her deferring key planks in the 2016 Democratic Platform?

Will that Sunday morning’s lineup instead be talking somberly about the violent unrest after the Supreme Court moved quickly to affirm lower court decisions that dismissed Donald Trump’s lawsuit to overturn the election? Will GOP radicals in the House have forced a floor vote on articles of impeachment, with allegations ranging from Benghazi to emails to the Clinton Foundation to voter fraud?

Or might someone who slipped into a coma in January 2016 and awakened fifteen months later find that little has changed except the president’s name … that Senate Republicans have filibustered key Clinton cabinet appointees, that Senate Judiciary Ranking Member Chuck Grassley insists the Supreme Court is functioning fine with eight justices, and that House Republicans have opened yet another series of anti-Clinton investigations while refusing to bring any White House-led bills to the floor?

I have no idea. Looking past the election to the end of President Clinton’s first 100 days, it really feels like a dark and foggy night in the middle of Nowhere. And I hope that guardrail keeps us from driving into that swamp.


Image Credit: Crissie Brown (


Good day and good nuts