“I ate my way to the bottom of the dumpster,” Professor Plum said, “and I no longer endorse it.”

He read the mail…. (More)

Professor Plum hadn’t actually done that, the staff knew, because his Hawaiian shirt was still vividly bright and clean. Indeed its glow remained for several seconds after left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library.

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor could no longer the Eight of Clubs and Deuce of Diamonds. He opened the pot with a raise, hoping to steal the blinds, but Chef replied with a reraise. She clearly had at least something, while he had nothing, so the Professor of Astrology Janitor folded and began his plaintive mewling. Chef went to the kitchen to make Ham and Havarti Eggs Benedict, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

In addition to my well known differences with Donald Trump on public policy issues, I have raised questions about his character after his comments on Prisoners of War, the Khan Gold Star family, Judge Curiel and earlier inappropriate comments about women. Just this week, he made outrageous statements about the innocent men in the Central Park Five case. There are no excuses for Donald Trump’s offensive and demeaning comments. No woman should ever be victimized by this kind of inappropriate behavior. He alone bears the burden of his conduct and alone should suffer the consequences.

I thought it important I respect the fact that Donald Trump won a majority of the delegates by the rules our party set. I thought I owed his supporters that deference. But Donald Trump’s behavior this week, concluding with the disclosure of his demeaning comments about women and his boasts about sexual assaults, make it impossible to continue to offer even conditional support for his candidacy. I have never voted for a Democratic presidential candidate and we will not vote for Hillary Clinton. We will write in the name of some good conservative Republican who is qualified to be President.

John in Ohs–tistan

Dear Ms. Crissie,

Us too.

Cory, Mike, Lisa, Dan, John, Kelly, Deb, Ron, Joe, Martha, Bradley, Jason, Rodney, and Ann in Ohs–tistan

Dear John and Cory, Mike, Lisa, Dan, John, Kelly, Deb, Ron, Joe, Martha, Bradley, Jason, Rodney, and Ann,

We applaud your efforts to jump off that sinking ship. Alas, we would be more impressed had you jumped ship back when Trump declared that Mexican-American immigrants are “rapists” in the speech that opened his campaign, or said his supporters were “passionate” after two of them attacked a Muslim man in Boston two months later. Surely this week’s news did not shock you, coming as it did from a man who implied a journalist had asked tough debate questions because of her menstrual cycle and hurled sexist insults at your party’s only female presidential candidate. We note that all of that happened last summer.

We wonder why you didn’t jump ship when Trump bragged about bribing politicians, boasted about the size of his penis, or pushed a bizarre conspiracy theory that his opponent’s father was involved in the murder of President Kennedy. Or when he promised to order our military to commit torture and other war crimes. Or when he promised to use the power of government to muzzle his critics. Or after he spent the past two weeks smearing a former Miss Universe because she dared to expose his sexist abuse. Need we add that his son tweeted a white supremacist icon, or that Trump made his campaign a rallying point for white supremacists, in part by hiring an avowed white supremacist as his campaign manager?

We wonder why all of that was acceptable – each of you had endorsed him – but his comments about groping women are beyond the pale. We can only conclude that his prior outrages didn’t seem to dent his (or your) polling numbers, while now his (and your) prospects are skidding into the gutter. And that’s why we labeled your location: “Ohs–tistan.”

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Ooh, Ham and Havarti Eggs Benedict? How does Chef make that?

Sounds Yummy in Blogistan

Dear Sounds Yummy,

Chef begins by lightly browning a slice of deli ham in a bit of butter. After turning the ham, she places a thin slice of Havarti cheese atop it, to melt a bit as the bottom of the ham browns. She removes the ham and cheese from the skillet and adds enough water to the pan to poach an egg, then stacks the egg, ham, and cheese on a toasted English muffin, with just a light swipe of mayonnaise. Bon appétit!

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Image Credit: AATTP

Sources:

John and Cory, Mike, Lisa, Dan, John, Kelly, Deb, Ron, Joe, Martha, Bradley, Jason, Rodney, and Ann in Ohs–tistan; “rapists”; “passionate”; menstrual cycle; sexist insults; boasted about bribing politicians; bragged about the size of his penis; pushed a bizarre conspiracy theory … murder of President Kennedy; torture; other war crimes; use the power of government to muzzle his critics; smearing a former Miss Universe; his son tweeted a white supremacist icon; rallying point for white supremacists; hiring an avowed white supremacist as his campaign manager.

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Happy Sunday!