“I’m the Edwin Peterson of our time,” Professor Plum said as he entered the mail room.

The staff had no idea who that was, but we guessed Professor Plum read the mail….

The Squirrel tapped at his Blewberry. “Okay, I’ll bite. Who was Edwin Peterson?”

“He was a Professor of English at the University of Pittsburg in the 1930s,” Professor Plum said. “His emphasis was creative writing and he later led their Composition Program.”

“Umm, you don’t teach creative writing,” the Squirrel texted.

“True,” Professor Plum agreed, “but my analogy is as valid as this week’s mail.”

Professor Plum then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend their time drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor tried to be the Titanic Thompson of our time. Like the famed 1930s gambler, he was betting big anytime he played a pot. So when he saw a pair of red Queens, he opened with a pot-sized bet and moved all-in after Chef raised.

“I’ll call,” Chef said, turning over the King of Hearts and King of Clubs.

The Queen of Clubs fell with Jack and Seven of Hearts on the flop, giving the Professor of Astrology Janitor three Queens, and the Ten of Hearts on the turn and Three of Hearts on the river improved his hand to a Queen-high flush.

They also gave Chef a King-high flush, so the Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling as Chef went to the kitchen to make a 1930s-style Goo Plate Special Breakfast, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

The policies of Obama and Clinton have made the world unstable and unsafe and created a world stage eerily similar to that of the late 1930s. We could be on the precipice of international conflict like nothing we have seen since World War II. Obama and Clinton are the Neville Chamberlains of our time. The deal to make $150 billion available to Iran, the leading state sponsor of terrorism in the world and a nation committed to the destruction of Israel, clearing the way for Iran to become a nuclear power, reminds me of Chamberlain’s deal with Hitler in 1938, when the British prime minister declared “peace for our time.”

Thank God we now have the opportunity to elect a strong leader, one who is not afraid to call the enemy by its name and to take the battle to that enemy if necessary.

Jerry in VA

Dear Jerry,

We commend your capacity to dredge up the war hawk’s shopworn Munich 1938 Myth, which the Washington Post’s Ishaan Tharoor called “the metaphor of choice for all who prefer confrontation to mediation.” We call that a myth because most historians have recognized that Neville Chamberlain had no better options in 1938, politically or militarily. Neither the British or French people nor their militaries were ready to wage war with Germany in 1938. For all its flaws, the Munich Accord gave the British time to rebuild their army, and especially to modernize the Royal Air Force, without which they could never have stopped the Wehrmacht and Luftwaffe.

More’s the point, your description of the P5+1 Nuclear Agreement “clearing the way for Iran to become a nuclear power” is simply false. The deal had precisely the opposite effect, as Iran dismantled her nuclear program and shipped the nuclear fuel out of the country. We realize this disappoints the War Is Always The Answer wing of the Republican Party, but diplomacy often works … and it has here.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Is the Goo Plate Special Breakfast another recipe from the Superfund Diner? What’s in it, and how do I make it?

Gooey for Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Gooey for Breakfast,

Yes, the Goo Plate Special Breakfast hails from the Superfund Diner. It’s an homage to the three-dish meals served on segmented blue plates that were popular back in the 1930s.

The Superfund Diner menu describes the Goo Plate Special as “Two Eggs Made to Error with Sausage Splatties, Trash Browns, and Bittered Toast with Toejam.”

We note that is merely Wanda’s and Craig’s sense of humor. Both they and Chef actually serve two eggs made to order with sausage patties, hash browns, and buttered toast with jam. Bon appétit!

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Photo Credit: Mark Wilson (Getty Images)

Edwin Peterson. Titanic Thompson.

Jerry in VA; “the metaphor of choice for all who prefer confrontation to mediation;” “Iran dismantled her nuclear program and shipped the nuclear fuel out of the country.”

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Happy Sunday!