The news is awful again today, so it’s back to the BPI Grafix Department … and that means back to East Greensludge…. (More)

I mean it. The news really is awful. For starters, a hacker broke into the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee server and released personal contact data for dozens of current and former House Democrats. Also, a wingnut with an M.D. and no medical ethics claims Hillary Clinton has Parkinson’s Disease, based on a mis-captioned photo that’s been bubbling around the wingnut swamp. Oh, Donald Trump believes – or wants his supporters to believe – that he can only lose Pennsylvania if there’s voter fraud and his proposed solution may violate a federal consent decree against voter intimidation. Oh, and Trump surrogate Carl Paladino dredged up the Obama Is A Muslim myth and said Khizr Khan, father of Army Captain Humayun Khan who was killed in action in Iraq, doesn’t deserve the title of Gold Star Father because he disagrees with Trump.

I feel icky after just looking at that wingnut swamp. So I’ll head over to the BPI hot tub faculty lounge squirrel bath and let the BPI Grafix Department take us to a much nicer swamp….

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We’ll call this Silly Saturday and do it in the style of Tuesday’s Tale, a weekly feature where we collaborate to write a story. Previous Tuesday’s Tales include Bar Bottles and The Oldlympics. We follow the basic rules of the “Yes, And” improvisational game – accept everything written so far as part of the story, and add your own paragraph (or so) where the last addition left off – except you needn’t begin your addition with “Yes, and.” I’ll start the story….

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Note: Wanda and Craig previously appeared in Ratman and Flyswatter vs. Doomerang

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Gail walked across the parking lot toward the Superfund Diner, chuckling at the sign beside the door that read Sure We’re OPEN There’s Nothing Else to Do! That said a lot about Craig and Wanda, who owned the diner. It also, Gail thought, said a lot about East Greensludge.

“Hi Wanda!” Gail said as she stepped inside.

Wanda waved, then realized she was invisible. So was Gail, but Wanda recognized her voice. “Hi Gail. How are you tonight?”

“Can’t complain,” Gail said. “Well, I could, but why bother? Is Craig here?”

Craig started to wave and caught himself. “Right here at the grill, Gail. The invisible grill, that is.”

“What can I get you?” Wanda asked.

“Just coffee,” Gail said, then paused. “Oh heck, a Gooburger and a Sludgie. I’m hungry tonight.” She looked around. “Slow night?”

“Not really,” Wanda said. “Dave and Ed are sitting at the counter–”

“–Hi Gail,” Dave and Ed said in unison.

“– and Harriet and Irving are in their usual booth,” Wanda continued.

Harriet waved and her husband spoke. “She can’t see us, sweetie.”

Harriet nodded. “Sorry. I keep forgetting The Artist hasn’t modeled us yet. Or our booth. Or our plates or cups or silverware or….” She held up her cup. “Speaking of, Wanda, can I get a refill?”

“Be right there,” Wanda said.

Gail sat on what she hoped was an stool near the corner of the counter. “Oops. Sorry.”

“No problem,” Dave said. “The ones around the corner are open.”

Gail moved around the corner and sat. Wanda brought her Sludgie, the diner’s signature drink, a mint-chocolate milk shake as delicious as it was creepy-looking. Gail sipped and then leaned toward where she hoped Wanda was.

“Have you heard the mob’s moving into town?” Gail asked quietly.

“The Falsetto family?” Wanda asked with a giggle. “They’re not the mob. They’re wannabes.”

“The kind that real mobsters joke about at their conventions,” Ed added.

“Mobsters have conventions?” Dave asked. “Wouldn’t the cops show up?”

“They have the conventions at prisons,” Irving said.

“Now dear,” Harriet said, “you’re making that up.”

Irving huffed. “Right, because invisible people and booths and plates so on are soooo real.”

“The rest of the diner looks real enough,” Gail said.

“Yeah,” a new voice said from the door. “And that’s why we’re taking it over. I’m Frankie Falsetto, and we’re not wannabes. We’re gonnabes.”

Wanda reached for her flyswatter….

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Image Credit: Crissie Brown (BPICampus.com)

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Good day and good nuts