“Where are we off to today, Sir?” Sgt. Tree asked. “Flings Wood, Affairs Brook, or Dalliers Glen?”

“Fornicators Mill,” DCI Barnabas replied.

Midday Matinee is our people watching, people doing and people being feature. Join the Woodland Creatures for an afternoon break.

Welcome back to Tuesday’s Tale, a weekly feature where we collaborate to write a story. Previous Tuesday’s Tales include Captain Obvious and Debbie Does Lady Chatterly’s Green Door. We follow the basic rules of the “Yes, And” improvisational game – accept everything written so far as part of the story, and add your own paragraph (or so) where the last addition left off – except you needn’t begin your addition with “Yes, and.” I’ll start the story….

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Editor’s Note: This week Tuesday’s Tale spoofs the long-running British mystery series Midsomer Murders. In this case, imitation is most definitely the sincerest form of flattery.

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“Welcome to Fornicators Mill, DCI Barnabas,” Lord Walter Wainwright-Worthington said. “I trust you enjoyed your egg-white omelet and turkey sausage breakfast?”

Barnabas cocked his head. “How did you–”

“–This is a small village, detective inspector,” Walter offered with a smile. “News travels fast.”

“Maybe so,” Barnabas replied, “but I don’t live in this village. And I didn’t tell anyone what I had for breakfast.”

“We haven’t much to do here,” Lady Wendy Wainwright-Worthington said, “so we watch the previous scenes. One must do something to pass the time, you know.”

“When you’re not scamping about,” her husband sniffed.

Barnabas let that pass. “So, Lord Wainwright-Worthington, you reported an attack?”

“Someone,” Walter said, growing huffy, “let their dog urinate on my car.”

“That would be here, Sir,” Tree said, pointing to the tire with a puddle around it.

“Thank you, Tree,” Barnabas said patiently. “I would never have figured that out.” He turned to Walter. “Might anyone want to insult you, Your Lordship?”

“Only any husband in the village,” Wendy muttered. “And most of the wives.”

Millicent the Maid stepped into the room. “Would anyone like tea?”

“And strumpets,” Walter murmured.

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Photo Credit: Wikimedia, Fair Use as Parody

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Have fun!