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This week nuclear power plant officials in New York blamed a December shutdown on bird poop, probably because they couldn’t pin it on a squirrel. Also, a chicken in Germany must’ve squawked extra loud and a dog in Minnesota should’ve used the horn. Oh, a Pennsylvania man tried to rob a bank with a sex toy and some Embden, Maine citizens want to rename Katie Crotch Road. And Gladys Knight sang “Happy Birthday” at a traffic stop, and a South Carolina 2-year-old called 911 to ask for wardrobe assistance. One … two … three … awwww?

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Today on Campus

Mixed NutsSCOTUS Protects Women’s Health Care Access, Plus Jim Webb All-But Endorses Donald Trump