“You should never question someone’s faith,” Professor Plum said as he entered the mail room. “Well, unless you disagree with them.”

He read the mail…. (More)

Professor Plum then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor questioned Chef’s sincerity by calling her bet. Chef had opened the pot with a raise, and the Professor of Astrology Janitor had called with a pair of Sixes. The flop brought the Ace of Spades, Ten of Hearts, and Six of Hearts, and Chef put in what looked like a follow-up bet. But when the Professor of Astrology Janitor offered a half-pot-sized raise, Chef quietly called. The Three of Spades on the turn didn’t seem to change anything. This time Chef checked and then called the Professor of Astrology Janitor’s bet. The Three of Clubs on the river gave the Professor of Astrology Janitor a full house of Sixes over Threes, and again he bet after Chef’s check. But now Chef moved all-in.

The Professor of Astrology Janitor doubted Chef held pocket Aces, as she usually made the limp-reraise play with Aces. And he knew she hadn’t called his flop raise with a pair of Threes. So he didn’t fear Aces-full or quad-Threes. But she might well have raised to open with pocket Tens and then slow-played three Tens into Tens-full. Or she might have opened with Ace-Ten, thought her two pair was good at the flop, and was now bluffing. She might even have opened with Ace-Three, especially the Ace-Three of Hearts. She would have had a pair of Aces and a Heart flush draw at the flop and turn, and now believe her Threes-full-over-Aces was the best hand.

The Professor of Astrology Janitor quickly counted the combinations. Chef might hold the Ace-Ten of Clubs or Diamonds, or the Ace-Three of Hearts or Diamonds. Or she might hold the two black Tens, the Tens of Spades and Diamonds, or the Tens of Clubs and Diamonds. Four likely hands that he could beat, versus three that beat him. The Bayesian math and the pot odds made the decision easy.

“I have to call,” he said as he turned over his Sixes.

“Ouch,” Chef replied, flashing her Ace-Three of Hearts.

The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to make South Carolina Garlic Cheese Grits with Shrimp, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Donald from SC, Where I Just Won YUUUGE Because I’m So Awesome

Dear Donald,

We congratulate you on your victory in South Carolina, as we hope you will be the GOP nominee … because polls show that almost no one else likes you.

That said, we note you were outraged when Pope Francis said your proposal to wall off our southern border was “not Christian.” You replied that “No leader … should have the right to question another man’s religion or faith.” This leaves us to ponder whether: (1) you don’t consider yourself a “leader” and thus you are free to question others’ faith; (2) you meant that only religious leaders must not question others’ faith; or, (3) you meant that your faith must not be questioned, but you can question others’ faith, and especially the faith of your political opponents.

Given your enormous ego – and we intend the word enormous in its primary meaning of “exceedingly wicked” – we conclude that the third option is most likely. That would fit your pattern of hurling vile insults at others while whining like a schoolboy when anyone dares to challenge you.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Democrats vote in South Carolina on Saturday. If I want to host a primary day breakfast party, how do I make Chef’s Garlic Cheese Grits with Shrimp?

Primarily Hungry in Blogistan

Dear Primarily Hungry,

To make Chef’s Garlic Cheese Grits with Shrimp, first cook ¾ cup of grits according to the package instructions, together with 6 ounces of shredded Cheddar cheese and a pinch of cayenne pepper. While the grits are cooking, heat 2 Tablespoons each of butter and olive oil in a skillet over medium-high heat, then sauté 2 cloves of minced garlic and 1 diced tomato until the tomato begins to soften. Stir in 2 pounds of peeled, de-veined shrimp and the juice of ½ lemon, and sauté until the shrimp are pink. Spread the cooked grits on a serving platter and ladle the shrimp and tomato mixture over the top. Bon appétit!

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Photo Credit: Alex Brandon (AP)

Donald from SC; polls show almost no one else likes you; “not Christian”; “No leader … should have the right to question another man’s religion or faith”; “exceedingly wicked”;

Garlic Cheese Grits with Shrimp.

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Happy Sunday!