“I wonder what would happen,” Professor Plum said as he walked into the mail room, “if someone said ‘We could end those Christians before they walk in and kill.'”
He read the mail…. (More)
Professor Plum then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the
wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).
In the staff poker game, the
Professor of Astrology Janitor wanted to end the run of second-best hands that had plagued him. And he thought he had when he peeked at a pair of red Kings. He opened the pot with a raise and considered putting in a third bet after Chef’s reraise. But he listened to the niggle in the back of his mind and simply called. The flop brought the Ace and King of Clubs and the Seven of Diamonds. The Professor of Astrology Janitor checked and then raised Chef’s bet, and she replied by announcing “All in.”
Did she have a pair of Aces for three of a kind, the only hand that could be ahead of his three Kings? Or was she betting an Ace-King, thinking her top two pair were good? He didn’t ponder for long, as he had no intention of folding. He pushed the rest of his chips into the pot and turned over his Kings.
“Ohh, ouch,” Chef said as she turned over her two black Sevens.
“Ohh, ouch,” she repeated as the fourth Seven fell on the turn.
Professor of Astrology Janitor had already begun his plaintive mewling when the fourth King fell at the river.
“Whew,” Chef said, patting the table. “I would almost have felt bad about winning that. Almost.”
She added a wink and went to the kitchen to make Austrian Pancakes, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….
Dear Ms. Crissie,
It just blows my mind when I see the President of the United States say that the answer to San Bernardino is more gun control. If some of those people in that community center had had what I’ve got in my back pocket right now … is it illegal to pull it out? I don’t know … I’ve always thought if more good people had concealed carry permits, then we could end those Muslims before they walk in and kill. I just wanted to take this opportunity to encourage all of you to get your permit. We offer a free course. Let’s teach them a lesson if they ever show up here.
Jerry in VA
We congratulate your capacity for machismo fantasy. However, we note that you encouraged your students to shoot Muslims on sight, “before they walk in and kill.” We wonder how you would react if a women’s health clinic director told the security staff to shoot any Christian on sight, “before they walk in and kill.”
Of course most Christians are not terrorists preparing to replicate the carnage last week in Colorado Springs. But most Muslims are not terrorists either. And if you meant your students should immediately open fire on Muslims who are wearing military garb and carrying weapons, as the shooters were in San Bernardino … shouldn’t you warn them to immediately open fire on anyone who comes on campus in military garb and carrying weapons, as the shooter was in Colorado Springs?
Or should they hold their fire if the military-garbed gun-wielder is a white male, in case he’s merely there to exercise his right to bear arms, as many white males have in restaurants and elsewhere? And if they should hold their fire on military-garbed armed white males, shouldn’t they also hold their fire on military-garbed armed Muslims, unless and until the military-garbed gun-wielder actually starts shooting?
And what about the threat of suicide bombers, who usually don’t wear military garb or carry guns. Instead, they wear loose-fitting shirts, sweaters, or coats to hide their vests. Should your students open fire on Muslims who walk onto your campus in a loose shirt, sweater, or coat, just in case they have a bomb hidden beneath it? If so, should your students open fire on anyone else who wears a loose shirt, sweater, or coat … just in case that person might be a Muslim suicide bomber?
Before you answer, we note that it’s not always easy to spot Muslims at at glance. For example, two Sikh men were mistaken for Muslims and attacked in Sacramento in 2011 and two years later a Sikh professor at Columbia was attacked by men who thought he was a “radical Muslim.” Those bookended the mass murder at the Sikh temple in Wisconsin. And we note that almost a quarter of American Muslims are black, and a fifth of all new Muslims are Hispanic.
So we must ask: are Sikhs, people of color, and anyone else your students might mistake for Muslim terrorists merely collateral damage in what Republican presidential candidates are calling “a world war?” If so, how are you any different from, say, ISIS?
Finally, we wonder if you will stand behind students who follow through on your rhetoric and start shooting anyone who looks different enough to make them feel uncomfortable … or if, like the GOP WHannabes after Colorado Springs, you will turn tail and say your gun-wielding students “must have misunderstood” and declare them “mentally ill?”
We conclude that rhetoric like yours is dangerous as the terrorists you claim to oppose … and so resemble.
Dear Ms. Crissie,
Is Chef making Austrian Pancakes as a tribute to the Austrians who took special care to make sure Syrian refugee children would not be frightened by their village holiday traditions? Oh, and how do I make those pancakes?
The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Breakfast in Blogistan
Dear The Hills Are Wow You Chose A Long Moniker,
Yes, Chef is offering a breakfast tribute to those thoughtful Austrians. To make Austrian pancakes, stir 1 cup of all-purpose flour in a medium bowl with ¼ teaspoon of salt and 2 Tablespoons of sugar. Add 1 cup of milk, 3 eggs, and 1 cup of heavy cream and stir into a smooth batter. Melt 2 Tablespoons of butter to coat a large skillet, then pour the batter over the butter, and bake at 325° for 35 minutes. The pancake will form a large bubble in the middle. Place the skillet on a cooling rack until the bubble settles, then cut into slices and serve with maple syrup. Bon appétit!
Photo Credit: CNN Video
Jerry in VA; “is it illegal to pull it out? I don’t know”; as many white males have in restaurants and elsewhere; two Sikh men were mistaken for Muslims and attacked in Sacramento in 2011; a Sikh professor at Columbia was attacked by men who thought he was a “radical Muslim”; the mass murder at the Sikh temple in Wisconsin; almost a quarter of American Muslims are black; a fifth of all new Muslims are Hispanic; what Republican presidential candidates are calling “a world war?”; like the GOP WHannabes after Colorado Springs.