“Of course you can prove your religious affiliation,” Professor Plum said as he walked into the mail room. “It’s easy, if you’re a white conservative Christian.”

He read the mail. (More)

Professor Plum then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor had to prove he held a pair of Aces. He raised with them to open the pot, but Chef called. When the flop brought the Ace of Hearts with the Jack and Six of Spades, he checked and then raised Chef’s bet, but she called again. The Six of Clubs on the turn gave the Professor of Astrology Janitor a full house, so again he checked and then raised Chef’s bet. And this time she moved all in.

Did Chef really have a pair of Sixes, the only hand that could beat his Aces-full? Or did she have a pair of Jacks and think he was betting a hand like the Ace-King of Spades, with two pair and a flush draw?

The Jacks were more likely, and the Professor of Astrology Janitor was not about to fold Aces-full on the one-in-1326 chance that Chef held the other two Sixes. So he called … and smiled as Chef turned over her Jacks …

… until the final Jack fell at the river. Even Chef looked shocked.

“Wow,” she said, patting the table. “That’s just … cold.”

The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to make James Beard’s Sausage and Boiled Egg Casserole, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence:

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

There are a lot of Christians in Syria that have no place now. They’ll be either executed or imprisoned, either by Assad or by ISIS. And I think we should have – we should focus our efforts as it relates to the Christians that are being slaughtered. I think we need to be – obviously – very, very cautious. This also calls to mind the need to protect our borders, our southern border particularly. But you can prove you’re a Christian. It’s … I think you can prove it. If you can’t prove it then, you know, you err on the side of caution.

Jeb in FL

Dear Jeb,

We agree there are a lot of Christians trapped in Syria. But we note there are also tens of thousands of other innocent human beings trapped in Syria, and we note that not even your own church leaders agree with helping only Christians. That said, we agree that you can prove you’re a Christian. Indeed a test for that was laid out in the Bible:

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

“Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

We suggest you consider using that test of Christian faith, and specifically the part about “I was a stranger and you invited me in.”

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Umm, it looks like Jeb in FL is failing that test of Christian faith. If so, will God change Jeb’s campaign logo to this?

Also, how do I make James Beard’s Sausage and Boiled Egg Casserole?

Punctuating Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Punctuating Breakfast,

Unlike Jeb in FL and too many other self-described Christians, we do not consider ourselves qualified to judge other people’s religious beliefs. Nor do we consider ourselves qualified to speak for divine beings. Indeed we have no idea if divine beings worry about campaign logos, although we suspect they would be more focused on larger issues … like inspiring us to care for each other.

As for James Beard’s Sausage and Boiled Egg Casserole, first hard boil and slice 8 eggs, then brown and drain 1 pound of breakfast sausage. Prepare 1 cup of béchamel sauce by melting 2 Tablespoons of butter and whisking in 2 Tablespoons of flour, and then stirring in 1 cup of milk. Stir the eggs, sausage, and béchamel sauce together with 1 cup of shredded Cheddar cheese, then pour into a lightly-greased casserole dish and bake at 325° for 45 minutes. Bon appétit!

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Photo Credits: NBC Today and Bustle.

Sources:

Jeb in FL; not even your own church leaders agree with helping only Christians; “I was a stranger and you invited me in.”

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Happy Sunday!