“Sorry about the mess in the kitchen,” Professor Plum said with a shrug as he walked into the mail room. “But stuff happens.”

He read the mail…. (More)

Chef’s low growl brought to mind a dragon waking deep beneath a mountain. Pootie the Precious opened one eye and rolled over, but Professor Plum quickly took Ms. Scarlet’s hand and they left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor had called Chef’s opening bet with a pair of black Eights. He checked behind her when the Ace and Queen of Diamonds fell with the Four of Clubs on the flop, and checked behind her again when the Four of Hearts came on the turn. The Deuce of Spades on the river didn’t help, so once again he followed Chef’s check, smiling as Pootie the Precious tucked her paws under her chin. “She didn’t seem to mind your growl.”

Chef chuckled. “She knows what happened to the mess. I scraped it into a dustpan and left it on Professor Plum’s chair in the wine cellar library.” She turned over her cards. “I have a pair of Sevens and the Fours on the board.”

The Professor of Astrology Janitor turned over his Eights and counted the tiny pot. He began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to make Breakfast Stuffed Mushrooms, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I know people are upset about this week’s mass shooting but I don’t think we need new gun laws. Whenever you see a tragedy take place, the impulse in the political system most, more, more often at the federal level – but also at the state level – is to do something, right. And what we end up doing lots of times is we create rules on the 99.999 percent of human activity that had nothing to do with the tragedy that forced the conversation, by doing something. And we’re taking people’s rights away each time we do that. And we’re not necessarily focusing on the real challenge.

It’s been a difficult time in our country, and I don’t think more government is necessarily the answer to this. I think we need to reconnect ourselves with everybody else. It’s just, it’s very sad to see, but I resist this notion and I did – I had this challenge as governor – we had, look, stuff happens. There’s always a crisis and the impulse is always to do something, and it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.

Jeb in FL

Dear Jeb,

We commend you for honestly admitting your callous disregard for human lives once they’re born. For example, we note that abortions comprise only 3% of the patient services provided each year by Planned Parenthood, and they receive no government funding for abortions. Yet you proudly declared that you cut off funding to Planned Parenthood in Florida because you oppose abortion, which the state was not funding. So you created rules for the 97% of activity that had nothing to do with the abortions that forced the conversation, and took away many women’s access to health care when you did that. And you weren’t focusing on the real challenge: that better access to reliable contraception prevents unwanted pregnancies and abortions.

We second President Obama’s response – “The American people should hear that and make their own judgments based on the fact that every couple of months, we have a mass shooting. They can decide whether they consider that ‘stuff happens’” – and conclude that you think government should only act to protect ‘life’ … until birth.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I’m stunned that Jeb in FL shrugged off repeated mass shootings as “stuff happens.”

The only positive in that is that it got Chef to find a stuffed mushroom recipe. How do I make her Breakfast Stuffed Mushrooms?

Ready to Stuff My Face in Blogistan

Dear Ready to Stuff My Face,

We agree that Chef’s breakfast recipe is the only good outcome from Jeb in FL’s remarks. To make make her Breakfast Stuffed Mushrooms, first remove the stems and gills from 4 portobello mushrooms, leaving enough space to fill them with eggs. Rub the inside of the mushrooms with olive oil and roast at 400° for 5-7 minutes. While the mushrooms soften, crumble and brown 7 ounces of breakfast sausage. When it’s browned, stir in 4 beaten eggs and ¼ cup of fresh diced basil. Cook until the eggs firm up, then pile the sausage and egg mixture into the 4 mushroom caps. Sprinkle with shredded cheddar cheese and pop back in the oven for 5 minutes, until the cheese melts. Bon appétit!

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Photo Credit: NBC Today

Sources:

Jeb in FL; abortions comprise only 3% of the patient services provided each year by Planned Parenthood; better access to reliable contraception prevents unwanted pregnancies and abortions. cut off funding to Planned Parenthood in Florida; President Obama’s response.

Breakfast Stuffed Mushrooms.

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Happy Sunday!