“I have a gut feeling y’all are planning … something,” Professor Plum said as he stood in the mail room doorway and took notes on a memo pad.

He read the mail…. (More)

Ms. Scarlet chuckled and took Professor Plum’s hand, and they left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor also had a gut feeling. He opened the pot by raising with a pair of black Kings, and Chef called. After the Queen and Ten of Diamonds fell with the Jack of Clubs on the flop, the Professor of Astrology Janitor confidently bet his combined overpair and open-end straight draw. But then Chef put in a pot-sized raise.

The Professor of Astrology Janitor was sure Chef would have raised before the flop with a suited Ace-King or a pair of Queens or higher. But she might have called with a pair Jacks or Tens and was now raising with three of a kind. Or did she call with an unsuited Ace-King to flop an Ace-high straight, a suited Nine-Eight to flop a Queen-high straight, or a suited Queen-Jack or Jack-Ten to flop two pair? Or might she think he was bluffing and bet a hand like Ace-Queen, with only a single pair?

A reraise would put the Professor of Astrology Janitor all-in, with what was probably not the best hand. But Chef might not risk a call unless she had Ace-King for an Ace-high straight, and thus fold a better hand than his pair of Kings and open-end straight draw. Plus he had a gut feeling.

“I’m all-in,” the Professor of Astrology Janitor said.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve got this,” Chef said as she called.

She turned over the Ace and King of Diamonds, for the Ace-high straight and a flush draw. The Professor of Astrology Janitor sighed and turned up his black Kings. The Ace of Spades on the turn gave him hope for a split pot but the Six of Diamonds on the river gave Chef the winning flush.

The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to make Flaky Layer Buttermilk Biscuits, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

+++++

Dear Ms. Crissie,

I’m not worried about martial law, but I feel like I can’t trust the government, and I want to make sure the military isn’t under orders to pull anything funny. So when Operation JADE HELM starts, I’ll be leading a regiment of 20 volunteers to observe and report. If a team member sees two Humvees full of soldiers driving through town, they’re going to follow them. And they’re going to radio back their ultimate location. We’ll have a strict no-camouflage policy so we don’t look like a radical group, and we’ll be unarmed. But we’ll use binoculars and spotting scopes to record troop numbers, uniforms and activities, and one of my men will do aerial surveillance with his plane. We’ll relay all reports to COUNTER-JADE-HELM headquarters in Arizona, where their intelligence staff will review and verify information before posting it publicly on their website. If the government wants to put troops in place for a takeover, they aren’t going to put them in Bastrop. But I’ve got a gut feeling they’re up to something.

Eric in TX

Dear Eric,

We concede that you are free to spend the next eight weeks driving around Texas to watch and report on U.S. military personnel driving around Texas. We further concede that you are free to call your reporters a “regiment” and your editors an “intelligence staff” because it tickles your gung ho buttons. That said, we suggest your “gut feeling” might better be treated with a bottle of Mylanta.

+++++

Dear Ms. Crissie,

I can’t believe they’re reopening Salty Brine beach already. They told the public they’re officially opening the beach tomorrow, but they don’t know if it was a bomb, they don’t know what went off. So they’re declaring the beach safe to go on, but they don’t know what happened, don’t you think that puts the public in danger? I’m a revolutionary myself. There’s a lot of things that are going on in the mainstream media that’s suspicious. I mean, what about the Bilderberg group, have you ever investigated the Bilderberg group? Google the Bilderberg group. It’s literally the biggest news story you’ve never heard of!

Dan in RI

We note that, while the cause remains a mystery, Rhode Island police and bomb squad technicians, with help from the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms bomb investigation unit, found “no evidence or indication that there was a device” at the scene of the Salty Brine beach explosion.

However, we cannot prove this was not a sinister plot by a group of people who are meeting this week in Telfs-Buchen, Austria with a published agenda and attendees. We concede they would hardly put “Salty Brine, RI Beach Bomb” on their list of key topics, between “Russia” and “Terrorism.” Or perhaps between “NATO” and “Russia,” if they refer to it as the “Rhode Island Beach Bomb.” Or, if it’s merely the “Beach Bomb,” it would come between “Artificial Intelligence” and “Cybersecurity.” Regardless, there is clearly space between all of the items on their list. Who can know what lies beneath those seemingly white pixels?

And isn’t it just a bit too convenient, we might wonder, that they scheduled this year’s conference for a weekend when the media are distracted by Serena Williams and the Eurozone crisis over Greece, and that the conference ends the day before Operation JADE-HELM begins?

We might wonder about that, if it were midnight and our eyes were bleary from binge-watching as a hooded archer and his friends try to thwart a five-year plot to trigger an earthquake and gentrify a working class urban community. But that was last night, and we had our coffee this morning. So we conclude you’re just a crackpot.

+++++

Dear Ms. Crissie,

That sounds like Season One of Arrow. Did they stop the earthquake? Also, the last time I tried to make biscuits, the local hockey franchise asked me to dye them black. So what’s the secret to Flaky Layer Buttermilk Biscuits?

Secretly Hungry in Blogistan

Dear Secretly Hungry,

Yes, that was Season One of Arrow, and we won’t tell you how it ends because we stayed up until midnight so you should too. Or start watching it earlier in the evening. Or watch fewer episodes per night. Or something. Yawn.

We’re pleased to hear that the local hockey franchise found a use for those biscuits. To make them edible, Chef suggests you follow Rebecca’s tutorial at Foodie with Family. She includes pictures and even videos, along with the recipe. Bon appétit!

+++++

Sources:

Eric in TX.

Dan in RI; “no evidence or indication that there was a device”; meeting this weekend … agenda; attendees.

Arrow Season One; Flaky Layer Buttermilk Biscuits recipe.

+++++

Happy Sunday!