“What this campus needs,” Professor Plum said as he entered the mail room, “is a statue of the staff kneeling to honor the resident faculty.”

He read the mail. (More)

Professor Plum took Ms. Scarlet’s hand and they left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, to spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor refused to bow to the inevitable when the Ace of Diamonds, Jack of Hearts, and Six of Clubs fell on the flop. He had opened the pot by raising with a pair of black Queens, and Chef called. Now he bet again, and Chef raised.

The Professor of Astrology Janitor was sure Chef would have raised before the flop with a pair of Aces in-hand, so she didn’t have three Aces. More likely she had called with a suited Ace and was now betting top pair, or even an Ace-Jack for two pair. Or she might have a pair of Jacks or Sixes and three of a kind. But if he reraised, might she think he had three Aces and fold?

Alas, no. Chef called the reraise, and now the Professor of Astrology Janitor was sure she had at least two pair. Fortunately, the Queen of Hearts on the turn gave him three of a kind. “I’m all in,” he said.

“I was bluffing before,” Chef said as she turned over the King and Ten of Clubs, “but that Queen gave me an Ace-high straight.”

The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling as the Eight of Clubs fell on the river. Chef went to the kitchen to make Frybread and Wojapi, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

We can’t believe Saint Louis University is moving a statue of a priest blessing American Indians. It’s a statue of Father Pierre Jean DeSmet. And right there he is blessing American Indians back in his day. You know why? He was a Belgian Catholic priest who was able to convert countless members of American Indians back in that day, and the American Indian community embraced him and his legacy. And among his good friends was actually Sitting Bull.

Despite those facts, of which we think the student body is likely wholly ignorant, the statue has been removed and shuttled off to a museum where it will be shown with the appropriate cultural context. Why? Because he was a white supremacist? No. Because he was white. His skin color is itself considered so offensive by the school that this statue can no longer be on display.

Just do your homework! He was a friend to that community, reached out, and because of him a major treaty was signed. And after he died, only then did things get even more violent. He was the peacekeeper between the two groups.

Tucker, Brian, and Elizabeth in NY

Dear Tucker, Brian, and Elizabeth,

We applaud your endless capacity to feel victimized. In fact the statue was moved because faculty and staff have for years expressed concern that it was culturally insensitive as a stand-alone work, and generations of SLU students have derided it as celebrating the subjugation of native cultures by European colonialism. Despite your claim that it is “no longer on display,” the statue is now in the university museum, surrounded by other works that explain the history of the meeting it depicts. This will provide essential context that was absent in the previous setting. We conclude that your turning this into an attack on “white skin” is yet another example of Fox News’ long history of race-baiting.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I want to cut Peter Sagan’s pay. The problem in cycling is that it’s not easy to cut someone’s salary, we have a contract. When the cyclists win, they want more money, but we don’t see the reverse of that. If I find some legal way, I want to reduce his pay, but we have to work on it. I think riders should have raises with good results and cuts if they don’t, you don’t sign a three-year deal and then don’t bring in results. There are the Classics, the other WorldTour races, races in Australia, the Middle East…. For this reason, we brought on Sagan and built a part of the team around him, but we didn’t get on the podium. I can’t be happy with that. I’m not going to kill him, we are talking about sport and there aren’t guarantees. It’s clear that money’s not everything. I’ll tell you, if we win the Giro d’Italia, the Tour de France, and the Vuelta de Espana, I’d believe that it’s still not enough for a team with a budget like ours. We don’t only need to win the Grand Tours, but many other races in the world.

Oleg in Russia

Dear Oleg,

We note you said this the day after Peter Sagan won the Tour of California. We further note that, so far this year, Sagan won the White Jersey for Best Young Rider at the Tour of Qatar, the Green Jersey for Best Sprinter at Tirreno-Adriatico, and placed fourth at both Milan-Sanremo and the Tour of Flanders. He is currently ranked #6 by Pro Cycling Stats and #19 by the UCI. You may think unreasonable demands and public criticism will motivate your riders, but we suspect you may see a mass exodus at the end of this season.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Remind me never to work for Oleg. Anyway, how does Chef make frybread? Oh, and what is wojapi?

Oiling My Skillet in Blogistan

Dear Oiling My Skillet,

Wojapi is a berry sauce, traditionally made with chokecherries, and regarded by many Lakota as “the greatest thing invented since chocolate.” To make frybread, combine 2 cups of all-purpose flour and 1 Tablespoon of baking powder in a bowl, then stir in 1 cup of water until the batter is smooth. The traditional Lakota recipe is to fry the bread in shortening, in a skillet over medium-high heat, until golden brown.

To make the wojapi, place 2 cups of fresh or frozen berries in a saucepan with ¾ cup of sugar and ¼ cup of water, and slowly bring it to a boil. Next whisk 3 Tablespoons of cornstarch into ¼ cup of cold water until there are no lumps. Once the berries are boiling, slowly stir the cornstarch in and simmer for 4-5 minutes, until the sauce thickens. Chef serves the sauce warm, for dipping. Bon appétit!

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Tucker, Brian, and Elizabeth in NY; faculty and staff have for years expressed concern; generations of SLU students have derided it; Fox News’ long history of race-baiting.

Oleg in Russia; Sagan won the Tour of California; Sagan season summary; PCS ranking; UCI ranking.

Frybread and Wojapi recipe.

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Happy Sunday!