“To honor Ms. Scarlet,” Professor Plum said as he walked into the mail room, “I’m going to make her disappear.”
He read the mail. (More)
“Make her disappear?” the
Professor of Astrology Janitor asked. “Umm, how?”
“It’s easy,” Professor Plum said. “Look out the window.”
Professor of Astrology Janitor did. “Okay, and?”
“And now she’s behind you,” Professor Plum said. “So you can’t see her.”
“Uhh, actually I can,” the
Professor of Astrology Janitor said. He pointed at the window. “I can see her reflection, right there.”
Professor Plum paused. He scratched his no-longer-double chin. Then he held up a finger. “I’ve got it.”
He held out his hand. Ms. Scarlet took it and they left to join the resident faculty in the
wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).
“Well, she did disappear,” Chef noted as she slid a stack of chips into the middle of the table. “I’ll raise. Half the pot again.”
Chef had opened the pot with a raise, and the
Professor of Astrology Janitor had called with a pair of red Eights. The flop brought the Queen and Eight of Clubs and the Five of Diamonds, and the Professor of Astrology Janitor had bet half the pot. Now he considered Chef’s raise. Did she have a pair of Queens for a higher three of a kind? Or was she bluffing with two Clubs and a flush draw? She would have raised to open with Queens, but she would have also have open-raised with the Ace-King, Ace-Jack, Ace-Ten, or Jack-Ten of Clubs.
Professor of Astrology Janitor’s read was correct, Chef could have any of three possible pairs of Queens, or any of four hands with two Clubs. And if she was bluffing, she had a roughly one-in-three chance to make her flush. The Professor of Astrology Janitor counted his chips. He had enough to bet twice the pot. Those odds would not be enough to with only a flush draw, but if she had two Queens….
“I’m all in,” the
Professor of Astrology Janitor finally said.
“I’ll call,” Chef quickly replied.
Professor of Astrology Janitor sighed. “You have Queens.”
“Nope,” Chef said, turning over the Seven and Six of Clubs for both flush and straight draws. “But I have too many outs to fold.”
Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling even before the Jack of Clubs came on the Turn. Now he needed another Queen, Jack, or Five for a full house, or the lone remaining Eight for four of a kind. He closed his eyes and didn’t know what happened until Chef patted the table. He opened his eyes and saw the Eight of Spades.
“Nice hand,” Chef said as she went to the kitchen to make Disappearing Breakfast Rolls, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….
Dear Ms. Crissie,
Many people were upset when they saw that my ultra-Orthodox newspaper, Yomleyom, altered the group photo of Israel’s new cabinet. The Torah upholds the honor of women and their freedom. We honor the women specifically because of their special merits and we have reservation from looking upon women as an object. This also applies to people that hold high ranks, and even with presidents in Israel and in the world. That’s why our photo looks like this:
Rabbi Moshe in Israel
Dear Rabbi Moshe,
We agree that women should not be looked upon as objects. However, we suggest that making women disappear does not “honor the women specifically because of their special merits.” It simply pretends they don’t exist. We further suggest that, if you and other ultra-Orthodox men are unable to look at women without seeing them as objects, you follow Professor Plum’s example above. Rather than making women disappear, simply look away.
Dear Ms. Crissie,
There’s another woman I want to make disappear. Hillary Clinton must be impeached. You read that right. Hillary Clinton must be impeached by the United States Congress. This is the best remedy for reprimanding Hillary Clinton for her lawless behavior as Secretary of State and preventing her from holding “any Office of honor, Trust or Profit under the United States” per Art. I, Sec. 3, Cl. 7 of the Constitution.
The fact that Hillary is out of public office does not prohibit Congress from successfully exercising its constitutional power to impeach her for her actions as U.S. Secretary of State:
— for her involvement in the Benghazi terror attack,
— for her illegal handling of official emails, and,
— for her reception of foreign funds as a sitting officer of the United States.
In 1876, precedent was set for late impeachment when the U.S. House of Representatives successfully impeached Secretary of War William Belknap after he resigned from his post in attempts to shirk punishment. That’s why I urge people to rally members of Congress to stand upon the Constitution – and legal congressional precedent – and IMPEACH and DISQUALIFY Hillary Clinton from all offices of the United States.
Larry in NC
We note that you omitted several relevant legal facts. Specifically, Sec. Belknap was asked to resign after a House investigation had already concluded that he had accepted bribes and after the full House had already begun drawing up articles of impeachment. Thus, Speaker Michael Kerr concluded that Belkhap had resigned “with intent to evade the proceedings of impeachment against him.” No such proceedings were underway when Sec. Clinton stepped down.
Indeed the House Intelligence Committee report on the Benghazi attack found no evidence of wrongdoing by Sec. Clinton or any other administration appointee. Her handling of State Department emails was not illegal, and she received no gifts from foreign donors while Secretary of State. While there were foreign donations to the Clinton Foundation, we note that Foundation is a global charity in which Sec. Clinton held no office and over whose budget she had no control during her tenure as Secretary of State. Finally, we note that the Foundation discloses every donation, by name and amount, each quarter.
We conclude there is no evidence that Sec. Clinton committed any “high crime or misdemeanor,” save for the ‘crime’ of being yet another Democrat you despise.
Dear Ms. Crissie,
How do I make Disappearing Breakfast Rolls? And how can I be sure I’ve made them once they disappear?
Vanishingly Hungry in Blogistan
Dear Vanishingly Hungry,
Chef notes that Disappearing Breakfast Rolls leave telltale traces, such as crumbs on the plate and a sense of fullness in the stomach. To make them, first separate two tubes of refrigerated crescent rolls into 16 triangles. Next mix ¼ cup of sugar and 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon in a shallow bowl. Roll 16 large marshmallows in melted butter and then in the cinnamon-sugar, and place one at the wide end of each crescent roll. Fold the corners of the dough over the marshmallow and pinch the seams to seal them. Dip the bottom of each roll in the butter and place them, butter-side-down, in muffin cups. Bake at 375° for 10-15 minutes, until the rolls are golden brown. Chef dusts hers with confectioner’s sugar, although she notes that is not essential to make them disappear. Bon appétit!