“Ms. Scarlet would like to have a child,” Professor Plum said as he entered the mail room. “But I said their resale value is nil.”

He read the mail. (More)

Ms. Scarlet took his hand and they left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor owned a pair of Sevens, at least temporarily. He called Chef’s opening raise and the flop brought the Ace and Queen of Diamonds and the Seven of Hearts. That gave him three-of-a-kind and he held the Seven of Diamonds for a possible backdoor flush as well, so he called Chef’s half-pot-sized bet. The Ace of Clubs on the turn gave the Professor of Astrology Janitor a full house, Sevens over Aces, and when Chef bet again he put in a pot-sized raise. Chef peeked at her hole cards and said “All in.”

Had Chef opened with an Ace-Queen and now had Aces full over Queens? Would she go all-in with a pair of Queens, giving her Queens full over Aces? Or was she betting a naked Ace and only three-of-a-kind, hoping to bluff him off a hand like Sevens full? The probabilities and pot odds favored a call. He pushed the rest of his chips in and sighed with relief as Chef turned over the Ace and Ten of Hearts.

Only seven of the 44 unseen cards could beat him. The Ace of Spades would give Chef four-of-a-kind and any of the three remaining Queens or Tens would give her Aces full. The Squirrel quickly tapped at his Blewberry: “I folded the Queen of Hearts and Nine of Clubs.”

That left 42 cards unseen: six winners for Chef and 36 winners for the Professor of Astrology Janitor.

“Whatever happens,” Chef said, “you got your chips in as a six-to-one favorite. Should I go make those Egg Muffin Breakfast Pizzas now?”

The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling. Chef chuckled and turned over the final card. The Seven of Spades gave her Aces full, but his four Sevens won the pot.

Chef patted the table and headed for the kitchen, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I think public awareness of how good vaccines are for kids and how they are good for public health is a great idea. We just appointed a Surgeon General. These are some of the things that are things that we should promote as good for our health. But I don’t think there’s anything extraordinary about resorting to freedom. I’ll give you a good example. The Hepatitis B vaccine is now given to newborns, we sometimes give 5 and 6 vaccines all at one time. I chose to have mine delayed. I don’t want the government telling me that I have to give my newborn a Hepatitis B vaccine which is transmitted by sexually transmitted disease, and/or blood transfusions. Do I think it’s ultimately a good idea? Yeah. And I’ve had mine staggered over several months.

I’ve heard of many tragic cases of walking, talking normal children who wound up with profound mental disorders after vaccines. I’m not arguing vaccines are a bad idea, I think they’re a good thing. But I think the parent should have some input. The state doesn’t own your children. Parents own the children and it is an issue of freedom.

Rand in TN

Dear Rand,

We congratulate your capacity to combine ignorance, myth, and outright lies. For example, infants receive the Hepatitis-B vaccine at birth in case their mothers carry the disease and Hep-B cases among children and teens have dropped by 95% since infant vaccinations began in 1990. We also note that studies have repeatedly found no increased risk of adverse reactions from multiple vaccinations.

We have no doubt that you have heard many stories of healthy children suffering “severe mental disorders” after receiving vaccinations. We have heard many stories of children flying around in colored leotards and pooling their super abilities to rescue people from villains. The difference is that we recognize the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers as fiction, while you portray the myths about vaccines causing “severe mental disorders” as fact. That remark earned you enough scorn this week that you complained to the Associated Press about the “inaccuracies” of reporters quoting you, and implied you should be taken as an authority “because I’m a doctor.”

Yet we find most offensive your claim that “parents own the children.” That may fit libertarian icon Murray Rothbard’s bizarre argument that “there no human rights which are not also property rights,” but it is false as a matter of law. Children are not chattel. Federal law prohibits parents from selling their children, and state laws prohibit parents from abusing or neglecting their children. Many states already require vaccinations for children to attend day care, public schools, and universities, and research shows that “personal belief exemptions” put both children and their communities at higher risk for otherwise preventable diseases.

Indeed we note that every state has laws that require parents to act in “the best interests of the child,” as defined by each state. We note that such standards belie your absurd claim that “parents own the children.” You may of course resent the criticism heaped upon you this week, but we conclude that your dogma ran into your karma

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Do kids like Egg Muffin Breakfast Pizzas? If so, how do I make them?

Kidding for Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Kidding for Breakfast,

Chef says kids love Egg Muffin Breakfast Pizzas, and they’re very easy to make. First hard-boil 2 eggs, then slice and toast 4 English muffins and place them on a cookie sheet. Drizzle the muffins with olive oil, then top each with a slice of tomato, slices of hard-boiled egg, and grated mozzarella cheese. Lightly sprinkle with oregano and salt, and broil for 5 minutes or until the cheese melts. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Rand in TN; infants and Hep-B; no increased risk of adverse reactions from multiple vaccinations; complained to the Associated Press; Murray Rothbard’s bizarre argument; Federal law prohibits parents from selling their children; state laws prohibit parents from abusing or neglecting their children; Many states already require vaccinations for children to attend day care, public schools, and universities; “personal belief exemptions” put both children and their communities at higher risk for otherwise preventable diseases; “the best interests of the child”.

Egg Muffin Breakfast Pizza recipe.

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Happy Sunday!