“I’m supposed to have a clever comment,” Professor Plum said as he entered the mail room, “but sometimes the mail is just senseless.” (More)

Professor Plum sighed and Ms. Scarlet took his hand. They left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor was trying to make sense of Chef’s last raise. The Professor of Astrology Janitor opened the pot by raising with a pair of red Queens. Chef called and the Professor of Astrology Janitor bet again when the Jack of Clubs fell with the Eight of Hearts and Six of Diamonds on the flop. He bet again when Five of Spades came at the turn and this time Chef put in a pot-sized raise.

Did she have a pair of Jacks, Eights, or Sixes, for three-of-a-kind at the flop? Had she called at the flop with a pair of Fives and then made three-of-a-kind at the turn? Did she have a Nine-Seven for a straight? Or was she betting a hand like Ace-Jack, hoping he had missed with a hand like Ace-King or would fold an overpair like Queens?

The Professor of Astrology Janitor decided there were too many hands that could beat a single pair of Queens, and discretion was the better part of valor. He folded and Chef flashed her pair of Eights. The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to make Seattle Dutch Babies and New England Cod Cakes, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

It’s ridiculous for sororities to ban members from attending fraternity parties or for campuses to ban hard liquor. I think it’s a good thing for the good girls, to be told stay home, be safe. The other bad girls – bad women – are the ones who like to be naughty, might go out and play and get hurt and then, you know….

But the other thing about this is that it then blames the alcohol instead of the person who over-drinks. So it’s like, the same thing with guns. Guns don’t kill people. People kill people. Alcohol doesn’t get you drunk. You get yourself drunk.

Stacy in NY

Dear Stacy,

We commend you for comparing alcohol in rape cases to guns. However, we note that you completely botched the comparison. Studies show that repeat predators, just 4% of the men on campus, commit 90% of campus rapes. Many use alcohol as a weapon to subdue victims, and a 2013 study found that 40% of college students got drunk in the month before the survey. A 1989 study on the role of fraternity culture in campus rape found that older members encourage pledges to get women drunk in order to have sex with them, and a 2010 study found that intoxicated men are more likely to attack campus women. We note that you completely ignore these rapists and focus exclusively on the “bad girls” who take part in the normal campus social life.

We also note that half of campus rapes are committed against women who are sober, and women are much more likely to be raped during the first six weeks of their freshmen years. By your ‘logic,’ we assume these “bad girls” should not have been sober and should not have come to college until they had already been there for six weeks.

Or maybe, just maybe, campus rape isn’t about “bad girls” at all. Maybe campus rape is about “bad boys” – serial sexual predators who “hide in plain sight within a male-dominated party culture where men provide the venues, parties and drinks to women, often with the explicit purpose of hooking up.”

We conclude that you should go back to acting and let actual experts focus on preventing campus rape.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Are Chef’s breakfast recipes about this evening’s game? If so, will I be disloyal if I like the other team’s recipe better?

Loyally Hungry in Blogistan

Dear Loyally Hungry,

Yes, Chef chose today’s breakfast recipes for the Super Bowl cities. She notes that science has found no evidence linking fans’ breakfast preferences to game outcomes, so your taste loyalty will not be a factor.

To make Seattle Dutch Babies, mix ¾ cup of all-purpose flour together with ¾ cup of milk, 3 beaten eggs, 2 Tablespoons of melted butter, and a pinch of salt. When the batter is smooth, pour into a lightly-greased 9″ pie pan and bake at 375° for 10 minutes. Reduce the heat to 325° and bake for another 5 minutes. Chef suggests this should be served immediately.

To make New England Cod Cakes, season 2 pounds of cod fillets with salt and pepper and steam over boiling water for 7 minutes. Remove them from the steaming rack and set them aside to cool. Next peel 2½ pounds of Russet potatoes and cut them into 1½” cubes. Put them in a deep pot and cover with cold water, then add 1 cup of sliced onion, salt and pepper to taste, and bring to a boil. Cook for 12-15 minutes, until the potatoes are tender. Drain the potatoes and onions and mash them by hand or purée them in a food mill or rice (not a food processor). Place the purée in a bowl and stir in 2 beaten eggs, 2 Tablespoons of Dijon mustard, 1 teaspoon of Worcestershire sauce, 4 Tablespoons of freshly-chopped parsley, and ½ cup of chopped onions. Flake the fish and stir it gently into the purée, then spread it on a baking sheet, cover with plastic wrap, and chill in the refrigerator. When it has cooled, form the batter into 20 hamburger-sized patties, dredge them in all-purpose flour, and fry in oil over medium-high heat for 2-3 minutes each side, until golden brown. Chef serves these hot, with Tartar sauce.

Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Stacy in NY; repeat predators commit 90% of campus rapes; many use alcohol as a weapon; 40% of college students got drunk in the month before the survey; 1989 study on fraternity culture; 2010 study found intoxicated men are more likely to attack women; half of campus rapes committed against women who are sober; women are much more likely to be raped during the first six weeks of their freshmen years; “hide in plain sight“.

Seattle Dutch Babies; New England Cod Cakes.

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Happy Sunday!