Professor Plum squeezed Ms. Scarlet’s hand as they entered the mail room. “Sorry we’re late. She was stroking my … ego.”

He read the mail…. (More)

Ms. Scarlet winked. “Actually, he was rubbing my feet. I wore heels to a New Year’s Eve party. Never again.”

Professor Plum and Ms. Scarlet left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor was stroking his chips as he peeked at a pair of red Tens. Chef had raised to open the pot and he called. The flop brought the Ace and Six of Hearts and the Ten of Clubs. The Professor of Astrology Janitor checked and then raised Chef’s bet. She paused for a moment and called. The Six of Spades fell on the turn, giving the Professor of Astrology Janitor a full house of Tens over Sixes. Hoping Chef would bet what he guessed was a pair of Aces or a flush draw, he checked again. But Chef checked behind him. The Nine of Spades on the river changed nothing. Thinking she would check again – leaving only a small pot for his full house – the Professor of Astrology Janitor put in a small bet. But Chef replied with a pot-sized raise.

The Professor of Astrology Janitor was flummoxed. Was Chef bluffing? Might she have an Ace-Six for a weaker full house? Had she made a continuation bet on the flop with a pair of Nines and found what she thought was a winning hand at the river? Or did she have a pair of Aces for a higher full house or … even less likely … the other two Sixes for four-of-a-kind?

The more he thought about it, the more he became convinced that Chef had Aces or Sixes. Either hand fit her betting through the pot, and nothing else did. With a sigh, he folded his Tens.

“Smart fold,” Chef said, showing him the Ace and Six of Diamonds.

The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef left for the kitchen to make French Breakfast Puffs, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Ladies, listen up. If you still don’t have a New Year’s resolution then could this be it? How about some honest advice on how to get a husband. No matter where a woman was in life, she should always be able to cater to her man’s needs. When he gets his ego stroked, he’ll be more inclined to love you more. Prepare his meals, draw him a bath and massage his feet every now and then. We had a lady on earlier saying, give to give. And that’s the thing you have to remember. You’re giving to your husband because you want to, not because you’re expecting something in return.

Peter, Clayton, and Ainsley in NY

Dear Peter, Clayton, and Ainsley,

We note that you are promoting a new book titled Single Man, Married Man, which claims to “Be a guide on the Dos and Don’ts from the male perspective,” including gems like these:

“Someone has to wear the pants and someone has to wear the skirt.”

“When he gets his ego stroked, he will be more inclined to love you more.”

“It’s risky for men to be straightforward with women because the truth doesn’t always yield the results we are intending.”

“Sometimes, as men progress in life and in their careers, we are exposed to a new supply of women who weren’t previously available, so we feel the need to explore these potential new mates that are now accessible.”

“A man who cheats is looking for someone to fulfill a part of him that his lady is not, plain and simple. Whether physical, emotional or social, if there is an imbalance in the relationship, he will seek balance.”

If these are representative of the authors’ interviews, we are not surprised that so many of the men they spoke with were single, or divorced. We note that when women write books on relationships, women are their target audience. And when men write books on relationships, women are their target audience as well. We wonder how our culture might change if the responsibility for learning how to sustain relationships did not always fall on … women.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Umm, moving along to those French Breakfast Puffs…?

Moving to Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Moving to Breakfast,

Absolutely. In a large mixing bowl, stir together 3 cups of all-purpose flour, 3 Tablespoons of baking powder, 1 teaspoon of salt, and ½ teaspoon of ground nutmeg. In a separate bowl, cream together 1 cup of sugar and ⅔ cup of shortening, then add 2 eggs and mix again. Next add one-third of the flour mixture and ⅓ cup of whole milk, beat well, add another one-third of the flour and ⅓ cup of milk, beat well, and add the rest of the flour and another ⅓ cup of milk and beat again. Pour the batter into 12 lightly-greased muffin cups and bake at 350°F for 20-25 minutes, until golden brown. Remove the muffins to a cooling rack, then melt ½ pound of butter and, in a separate bowl, mix 1½ cups of sugar and 3 teaspoons of ground cinnamon. Roll the muffins in the melted butter and then in the cinnamon-sugar until they are thoroughly coated. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Peter, Clayton, and Ainsley in NY; Single Man, Married Man; gems like these.

French Breakfast Puffs.

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Happy Sunday!