“We’re out of Pinot Noir,” Professor Plum said as he entered the mail room. “It’s a war on the resident faculty.”

He read the mail…. (More)

Professor Plum took Ms. Scarlet’s hand and they returned to the wine cellar library, where the resident faculty spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor was waging war on jack squat, having folded three consecutive hands containing a Jack of one suit and a Five or lower of another suit. Thus he was perhaps too relieved to see his that next hand was jack diddly, the staff’s term for a Jack with the Seven, Eight, or Nine of the same suit. It wasn’t much, but it wasn’t jack squat, so the Professor of Astrology Janitor opened with a raise. Chef looked at her hand and sighed.

“This time I have jack squat,” she said as she folded her cards.

The Professor of Astrology Janitor grinned. “I had you beat. I had jack diddly!”

Chef looked at the tiny pot. “And that’s what it was worth.”

The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef left for the kitchen to make Jack Banana Oatmeal Singles, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Liberal Democrats are waging a war on cops. What is developing here is basically a real social, cultural, political collision between police, who are being charged with being racist white cops all over the country who come down hard and go after, almost in a vigilante way, young black males. You’ve got demonstrations that are shutting down the hearts great cities like New York, Grand Central Station, you got Times Square, the West Side Highway. What is happening, I think is a real, coming war on the cops being pushed by the left wing of the Democratic Party. It’s going to backfire on them, it’s going to bite them, it’s going to divide this country. And it reminds me, frankly, of what I saw in Grant Park in Chicago in 1968.

Pat in VA

Dear Pat,

We applaud your description of the threat felt by young black males in the U.S. Alas, we note that your “who are being charged with” phrasing implies that “cops come down hard and go after, almost in a vigilante way, young black males” is merely speculative, rather than an accurate depiction of data on police stops, arrests, and suspects killed during arrests. We also note that data show there has never been a safer time to be a police officer, or a more dangerous time to be confronted by one. Almost as many cab drivers as cops were killed in 2013, but we that doubt a cabbie who ran a rude driver into a ditch or light pole would be blithely excused with phrases like “war on cabbies,” “cabbies put their lives on the line every day,” or “cabbies have the right to go home alive.”

Finally, we find it ironic that you mention the 1968 riot in Grant Park, as the National Commission on the Causes and Prevention of Violence found the violence that night was triggered by police misconduct. Indeed that event popularized the term police riot. Thus, we conclude that the “war on cops” – like the “war on whites,” the “war on men,” and the “war on Christmas” – is merely another catchy right-wing phrase to defend structurally embedded dominance.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Who is Jack Banana? And how do I make his Oatmeal Singles?

Jacking Around Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Jacking Around Breakfast,

The Official BPI Googlizationalizator found no human named Jack Banana, but Jack Banana is the mascot of a dietician group in Chicago. However, Chef has no idea if that group would endorse Jack Banana Oatmeal Singles.

To make them, whisk 1½ cups of almond milk with 2 eggs, 2 Tablespoons of melted butter, 2 teaspoons of pumpkin pie spice, and ¾ teaspoon of kosher salt until smooth. Pour this over 3 cups of gluten-free rolled oats and stir gently with a rubber spatula. Next melt 1 Tablespoon of butter in a skillet over medium-high heat and stir in 3 peeled and sliced bananas. Let them cook for 3-4 minutes, until they begin to break down at the edges, then stir in 3 Tablespoons of brown sugar and cook for another 1-2 minutes, until the bananas break down into a past with only a few pieces intact, and gently stir in a splash of Jack Daniels or your favorite whiskey. Fold the caramelized bananas into the oatmeal and stir in ¼ cup of dark chocolate chunks.

Pour the batter into a lightly-greased, 12-muffin tin and bake at 375°F for 30-40 minutes, until the tops are lightly browned but the middle still slightly soft. Let cool for 10 minutes, then slide a butter knife around the sides of each cup to pop out the muffin. Chef notes these can be stored in a refrigerator for up to a week and reheated in the microwave for 25-30 seconds each … but here at BPI they rarely last that long. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Pat in VA; police stops; arrests; suspects killed during arrests; data show there has never been a safer time to be a police officer, or a more dangerous time to be confronted by one; almost as many cab drivers as cops were killed in 2013; “put their lives on the line every day“; “have the right to go home alive“; the National Commission on the Causes and Prevention of Violence concluded that was caused by police misconduct; police riot; “war on whites“; “war on men“; “war on Christmas“.

Jack Banana; Oatmeal Singles recipe.

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Happy Sunday!