The resident faculty left a decades-old book cover outside the mail room. The staff hope it was only a clue…. (More)

First our thanks to last week’s writers:

On Monday, you shared your stories of offline political activism in Things We Did This Week and Linda Lee mused The Problem Is? in Midday Matinee.

On Tuesday, the Squirrel celebrated Gruber Uber! in Morning Feature and readers helped tell Tuesday’s Tale: Squatchsulation in Midday Matinee.

On Wednesday, the Squirrel mulled over Uber Über Alles in Morning Feature and Linda Lee connected Wildebeests and Progressives in Midday Matinee.

On Thursday, the resident faculty saw The GOP’s Immigration Tantrum Begins in Morning Feature and triciawyse brought us Fursdai Furries in Midday Matinee.

On Friday, the resident faculty discussed Hillary Clinton Backs President Obama as Kris Kobach Warns of “Ethnic Cleansing” in Morning Feature and triciawyse shared Friedai Critters in Midday Matinee.

On the weekend, the resident faculty echoed President Obama: “Keep Protests Peaceful” in Saturday’s Morning Feature, Ms. Crissie was asked To Err Is Editorial? in Sunday’s Morning Feature, and Winter B brought our weekly Eco News Roundup in Our Earth.

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Note: Please share your stories of offline political activism in Things We Did This Week.

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Thus we return to the book cover left outside the mail room as the resident faculty made their way from the wine cellar library where they spent the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”) to the hot tub faculty lounge for their weekly game where the underwear goes flying planning conference:

“How’s that for irony?” Chef asked as she brought out the decoder ring:

 photo SquirrelPecanRing.jpeg

The Squirrel tapped at his Blewberry: “What’s ironic about it?”

Chef scraped stray pecans into his bowl. “Well, that’s Jack Webb’s book about how Dragnet began, because he created the series for radio and then TV. He titled the book Just the Facts, Ma’am.”

“That’s not ironic,” the Professor of Astrology Janitor said. “It’s the most famous line from the show.”

Chef shook her head. “And there’s the irony. No Dragnet character ever said ‘Just the facts, ma’am.’ Jack Webb’s character, Joe Friday, often said ‘All we want are the facts, ma’am,’ and a few times he said ‘All we need are the facts, ma’am.’ But he never said ‘Just the facts, ma’am.'”

The Squirrel nodded and tapped at his Blewberry: “Like Sherlock Holmes never said ‘Elementary, my dear Watson.’ At least not in Conan Doyle’s stories or novels. But that’s still not ironic. It’s just a myth.”

Chef chuckled. “Right. You have a factual book about the creation of a fictional series. The title is Just the Facts, Ma’am, but that phrase isn’t a fact from the series.”

The Squirrel nibbled a pecan and texted again. “I think I just fell into a Möbius strip.”

“Thus the irony,” Chef said. “Anyway, I hope the resident faculty aren’t going to write about Dragnet. That was already old when I was young.”

“Oh, they’re not,” the Squirrel texted. “They’re going to drag up some interesting and well-known facts-that-aren’t. Like two-thirds of Americans say violent crime is rising, but violent crime has actually fallen by two-thirds over the past twenty years.”

The Professor of Astrology Janitor nodded. “Like Mark Twain said: ‘It’s not what you don’t know that hurts you. It’s what you know that just ain’t so.”

Chef chuckled. “In fact, Mark Twain never said that. Satchel Paige did.”

The Squirrel looked at the Professor of Astrology Janitor. The Professor of Astrology Janitor nodded. They turned to Chef.

“Just the facts, ma’am.”

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Happy Monday!