It’s time for another listicle, this time with spoiled wingnuts. You really don’t want to eat these…. (More)

I know, I know. If these wingnuts are too spoiled to eat, why did I gather them into a listicle? I mean, who really needs to wake up to a bunch of grumpy-making news?

I have a good answer for that. Really. See, it’s like this …

… Oh look, puppies!

So on with my listicle of….

5 Nuts I Won’t Eat Today or Ever

1. President Unveils Secret Deal That Will Never Work Anyway

If you like standing on your head while looking in a funhouse mirror, you’ll love Patrick Brennan’s article this morning at the National Review. The real news, in case you missed it, is that yesterday President Obama announced an historic agreement with China, one that Mother JonesTim McDonnell and James West hail as a “game changer.” China agreed to cap greenhouse gas emissions by 2030 and accelerate her development of renewable energy. The president agreed to double our emissions cuts by 2024. Both agreed to research and share best practices on sustainability. This is all good news if you like having a nice planet to live on.

But for Brennan, this “secret deal” – how is it a secret when the president “unveils” it to the whole world? – doesn’t nail down every detail of how we’ll reach our targets and besides China will cheat and oh let’s just give up. Ptooey.

2. “He must be stopped”

No Surrender on Immigration,” screams the headline of a Politico Magazine article by Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL). He says “the exit polls were unequivocal” in opposition to immigration reform, but in fact half of 2014 voters said undocumented immigrants should be able to get legal status and only 37% want them deported. Yes, most voters don’t want President Obama to accomplish that by executive order, but 70% supported the comprehensive bill passed by the Senate and ignored by House Republicans. But “He must be stopped,” Sen. Sessions writes, and Republicans will vote to deny funding and shut down the government to stop the president from doing what the American people want done. Because only Republicans will defend Real Americans™ from Those People … unless you look at actual border security over the past six years. Blech.

3. “Who, us?”

Republicans love to howl about “Chicago-style elections,” and apparently that’s just another case of projection. It turns out two Illinois GOP activists are being investigated by the Cook County Prosecutor after they sent out robocalls telling Chicago poll workers they needed “extra training” … and sent them to bogus addresses. Many poll workers decided not to show up on election day, causing excessive lines. Care to guess the party preference of the precincts targeted for those robocalls? Ack.

4. “Now that they’re in charge, we have to end obstructionism”

Apparently Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) is fed up with obstructionist “bulls–t” … from Democrats. That’s right. Now that Republicans are in charge of the Senate, he’s “not going to put up with that.” And Sen. Claire McCaskill agrees, telling Politico: “The habit we got into in doing nothing, no one was happy with that. I hope that we never go back to that.”

Note that dishonest “we.” Senate Republicans stonewalled President Obama on every major policy issue, with the lone exception of immigration reform, where they let House Republicans do the stonewalling. But once Republicans are in charge, “we” need to stop the obstruction. Spthh.

5. “Tone deaf”

And finally we have the Weekly Standard’s Ethan Epstein’s outraged cry of “Tone Deaf” after Bruce Springsteen, Dave Grohl, and Zac Brown performed Credence Clearwater Revival’s classic “Fortunate Son” last night at the Veteran’s Day Concert for Valor on the National Mall. Epstein insists the song is an “anti-war screed, taking shots at ‘the red, white, and blue.'” Umm, no. It takes shots at chickenhawks who send other people to fight while their “fortunate sons” stay home and duck taxes. Oh, and the crowd loved it:

Now that was tasty.

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Photo credits: Puppies; Climate Denial; Border Patrol Staffing; Voter Suppression; Liberty Weeps; The Chickenhawk.

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Good day and good nuts