Professor Plum walked into the mail room wearing a chicken suit. That’s not the BPI mascot and Halloween is already past, so he must have read the mail. (More)

Ms. Scarlet took Professor Plum’s wing hand and they left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor was testing his bravery with a pair of black Kings. Chef called his opening raise and then bet when the Ten of Hearts fell with the Six and Three of Clubs on the flop. Thinking she might have bet a Club flush draw and knowing he held one of the Clubs she needed, the Professor of Astrology Janitor offered a pot-sized raise. Chef paused for a moment and called. The Queen of Diamonds came on the turn, and Chef bet a third of the pot. The Professor of Astrology Janitor began to worry, as a bet that size almost begged for a call. His Kings were still an overpair and there were no possible straights or flushes yet. Had Chef begun with a pair of Tens or Sixes, for three of a kind? Perhaps she had a pair of Queens, betting and calling at the flop with what she thought was an overpair, and made three of a kind at the turn? Or was this merely a very well-played bluff?

The Professor of Astrology Janitor eyed Chef closely and decided she wasn’t bluffing. And while a pair of Kings is the second-best starting hand, he reasoned, one pair will rarely win a showdown if the pot goes to the river. He tapped the table and mucked his Kings face-up. Chef’s eyes widened and she turned over her Ace and Queen of Clubs. The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling and Chef left for the kitchen to make Sour Cream Chicken Quiche, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Brace yourself. You won’t hear about this from the mainstream media. And very few politicians dare to discuss these things openly. But they reality is that we may be living in some of the most dangerous times in human history. Does that sound like some crazy exaggeration to you? Well consider this:

Recently, in the Wall Street Journal, former CIA Director James Woolsey warned that “the most significant threat to the U.S. in the world” is the threat of catastrophe caused by an electromagnetic pulse, or EMP. And that danger appears to loom larger every year.

Imagine your world blanketed by pitch black. You have no lights, no electricity. Phones don’t work. Even the battery-powered radio you keep for emergencies picks up nothing but static – if it powers up at all.

And that’s not all. Cyber attacks through the internet could target our most sensitive government, military, and financial operations. Hackers could remotely open a dam or shut down a pumping station. Last year someone with a rifle shot up an electrical substation near San Jose, California. It took them almost a month to get the substation back online. What if terrorists did the same thing all over the country?

Make no mistake: The world that surrounds us is growing more dangerous all the time. Whether it’s enemy state actors, foreign terrorists, Mexican drug cartels or domestic criminals, the threat Americans face are massive – and growing.

Even if you take terrorists and criminals out of the picture, chaos is an ever-present danger to Americans today – especially when you factor in the undercurrent of social unrest that seethes beneath the surface of much of our society. How many times have we seen peaceful protests in this country degenerate into riots, looting, shootings, arsons and worse?

And millions of NRA members and gun owners know the truth: The police can’t always be there to protect you. The government can’t – or won’t – protect you, either. Only you can protect you.

And nothing provides individual citizens with more immediate, undeniable and irreplaceable protection than the Second Amendment-protected right to keep and bear arms. It’s the one freedom that guarantees our lives and our freedoms with force.

Now you can bet the media will pounce upon and ridicule gun owners for talking about these dangers and preparing for the worst. They’ll call us paranoid, fear-mongering, reckless and ill-advised.

On Election Day, Tuesday, Nov. 4, we will defend our right to defend ourselves because we have no other choice. We will vote our guns! We will vote our freedom! And we will prevail!

Wayne in VA

Dear Wayne,

We completely agree that the media will call you “paranoid, fear-mongering, reckless and ill-advised.” And rightly so. Violent crime in California is at its lowest rate since 1967, and that mirrors a national trend. Even the conservative American Enterprise Institute noted the trend and asked why we have become “the United States of SWAT.” Yet just this month the NRA praised the militarization of our nation’s police, in an article that included the sentence “That’s why I fear a free press that hides behind the First Amendment while irresponsibly neglecting all the others,” where “others” clearly meant the Second Amendment.

Actual data, rather than paranoid ravings, show that Americans are safer than ever. This year U.S. life expectancy reached an all-time high of 78.8 years, and death rates dropped for eight of the ten most common cause.

Indeed the only cause of death whose rate increased last year was suicide, where the most common and deadliest method is … guns. Fear of crime has been linked to diminished mental health, including increased isolation, and both fear and isolation are strongly linked to suicidal impulses. In short, the NRA are fostering a culture of fear and a bunker mentality that contributes to suicide, while urging people to buy the most lethal suicide methods available.

We conclude that while you love to wave the flag, you have forgotten of chosen to ignore the final line of our national anthem: “the home of the brave.”

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Hmm. If the NRA are fostering a suicide-inducing culture of terror and urging people to buy the most lethal suicide methods available, and if half of all mass shootings end as suicides, why isn’t the NRA listed as a terrorist organization?

Also, how do I make Chef’s Sour Cream Chicken Quiche?

Not Too Chicken for Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Not Too Chicken for Breakfast,

We’re not sure why the NRA isn’t listed as a terrorist organization, especially as 5586 people were killed by terrorist attacks in the U.S. or on U.S. targets overseas from 1969-2009, while an average of 30,000 Americans are killed by guns every year.

As for Chef’s Sour Cream Chicken Quiche, first line a 9″ pie plate with a frozen crust and keep it in the refrigerator until you’re ready to fill it. Next cook ¼ cup of chopped onion and ¼ cup of chopped green pepper in olive oil over medium heat for 3 minutes, stir in 1 Tablespoon of all-purpose flour, and cook for another 2 minutes. Stir in 1 cup of chopped chicken breast, ¼ teaspoon of salt, ¼ teaspoon of nutmeg, ¼ teaspoon of black pepper, then spread the mixture over the bottom of the pie shell and top with ½ cup of shredded cheddar cheese and ¼ cup of shredded Swiss cheese. Combine 2 beaten eggs, ¾ cup of milk, and ¾ cup of sour cream, and pour that over the chicken and cheese mixture. Bake at 400°F for 20 minutes, then reduce the temperature to 350°F and bake for another 30-35 minutes, until an inserted knife comes out clean. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Wayne in VA; Violent crime in California is at its lowest rate since 1967; “the United States of SWAT“; “That’s why I fear a free press“; U.S. life expectancy all-time high; guns are both the most common and deadliest method of suicide; fear of crime linked to diminished mental health; fear and isolation strongly linked to suicidal impulses. (h/t Daily Banter).

Half of all mass shootings end as suicides; terrorism vs. gun deaths.

Sour Cream Chicken Quiche.

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Happy Sunday!