“Let me educate you about sorting the mail,” Professor Plum said as he walked into the room.
He read the mail. (More)
Your lowly mail room clerk assured Professor Plum that we had the matter well in hand. He nodded, took Ms. Scarlet’s hand, and they left to join the resident faculty in the
wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).
In the staff poker game, the
Professor of Astrology Janitor was once again getting an education in patience. After what seemed like an endless stream of unplayable hands, he peeked down at a pair of black Queens and raised. Chef called, and offered a small bet when the Ace of Clubs and the Ten and Six of Hearts fell on the flop. The Professor of Astrology Janitor pondered his response. Chef might be semi-bluffing with two Hearts, but he doubted she would have called his opening bet without at least a big suited connector like King-Queen or Queen-Jack. Either of those would take away one of his outs, give her a straight draw as well as a flush draw, and make the hand a coin flip. She might also have an Ace in hand for a pair of Aces, or a pair of Tens or Sixes in hand for three of a kind, and be way ahead.
Professor of Astrology Janitor sighed and folded. Chef smiled and flashed him the Ace and Queen of Hearts. He began his plaintive mewling and Chef left for the kitchen to make Back to School Almond Cereal Bars, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….
Dear Ms. Crissie,
A Ferguson city councilwoman came on my show complaining about police brutality, but she wasn’t there when Michael Brown was shot. Like the rest of you liberals, she doesn’t know what happened. Let me educate you about the legal system in America. In our system of justice, a person is innocent until proven guilty and there are eyewitness reports tonight that the officer suffered severe facial injuries, had an orbital eye socket fracture and was – that Michael Brown charged at him. What if that turns out to be true?
Sean in NY
We agree that in our legal system a person is innocent until proven guilty. We note that includes Michael Brown, yet you presumed that Brown broke Officer Darren Wilson’s eye socket, based solely on a rumor that was quickly disproved. We further note that neither the official autopsy nor the family’s autopsy reported any cuts or bruises on Brown’s hands that would be consistent with having punched Wilson. Both autopsies found that all of the shots were fired from a distance of several feet, and the fatal wounds were consistent with Brown slumping forward with his hands up. Yet you ignore that, and eyewitnesses whose testimony matches the evidence, to conclude that Brown was charging at Wilson. We conclude that you are a stickler for the presumption of innocence as applied to those who shoot black people … and eager to presume guilt for the black people being shot.
Dear Ms. Crissie,
I’m a cop and an Oath Keeper but politicians won’t even talk to me. They say ‘You’re an extremist.’ I say amen. OK. And I’m real good with a rifle. My best shot is at 1,875 meters. I got me a gold star on that one. That’s a fact. You run from me you will die tired. I’m dead serious, folks. I personally believe in Jesus Christ as my lord savior, but I’m also a killer. I’ve killed a lot. And if I need to, I’ll kill a whole bunch more. If you don’t want to get killed, don’t show up in front of me, it’s that simple. I have no problem with it. God did not raise me to be a coward. I’m into diversity. I kill everybody, I don’t care.
Don in MO
We fully understand why Missouri politicians labeled you an “extremist.” We note that you said people having domestic disputes should “shoot each other and get it over with,” and that you called President Obama “an undocumented president.” We applaud the St. Louis County Police Chief for suspending you pending an internal affairs investigation. We trust that will result in your being fired, as you are a disgrace to any uniform you have ever worn.
Dear Ms. Crissie,
Umm … could you educate me on how to make Chef’s Back to School Almond Cereal Bars?
Breakfast Student in Blogistan
Dear Breakfast Student,
We would be delighted. To make Chef’s Back to School Almond Cereal Bars, put ⅓ cup of almond butter and ⅓ cup of honey in a medium microwave-safe bowl, warm them on high for 30 seconds, and stir until blended. In a large microwave-safe bowl, combine 2 cups of whole grain cereal flakes, 2 cups of whole grain cereal Os, and 2 Tablespoons of chopped, unsweetened dried cherries. Microwave them on high for 90 seconds, stirring every 30 seconds, until warm. Gradually stir in the almond butter mixture until the cereal mixture is thoroughly coated, then pour into a lightly-greased 8-inch-square baking pan and press smooth. Chill in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour, until set and firm, then slice into bars. Bon appétit!