“Welcome to English championship weekend soccer,” Will Wurdie said. “Who’s playing in our first match, Rock?”

“Armorall and Liverwurst,” Rock replied. (More)

Midday Matinee is our people watching, people doing and people being feature. Join the Woodland Creatures for an afternoon break.

Welcome back to Tuesday’s Tale, a weekly feature where we collaborate to write a story. Previous Tuesday’s Tales include The Anti-Story and Sasquatch Spring. We follow the basic rules of the “Yes, And” improvisational game – accept everything written so far as part of the story, and add your own paragraph (or so) where the last addition left off – except you needn’t begin your addition with “Yes, and.” I’ll start the story….


Note: Today’s characters previously appeared in The Halftime Speech, Jock Itch, and The Winter Games.


Will smiled at the camera. “That’s Liverpool, Rock.”

Rock nodded. “Well sure they’d mix it in a pool. Then they squeeze it into those little plastic tubes. Love the stuff. Put it on crackers. Great midnight snack.”

Will took a slow breath. “Liverpool is a city, Rock. Not a sausage.”

“Huh,” Rock said. “I figured they named the teams after their sponsors. Like Armorall.”

“And that would be Arsenal,” Will said. “They’re a London club, started by a bunch of soldiers from the city arsenal.”

“Support our troops,” Rock said with a wide grin. “So let me guess, the Spurs were bunch of cavalry guys?”

“Actually no,” Will said. “The Tottenham Hotspur club was formed by grammar school boys from a local church Bible class. The ‘Hotspur’ refers to a character from Henry IV, Part 1.”

“This Henry guy, was he their first coach?” Rock asked. “Like the Cleveland football team is the Browns, because of Paul Brown?”

“And it’s time for a break,” Will said.

“No, actually it isn’t,” said Dave from the control room.

Will looked at the camera. “Yes, really, it is.”


The director pushed the button to start the commercial and looked at Pam. “This is going to be a long weekend.”

The producer nodded. “It sure is, Dave. Just wait until Rock finds out there aren’t any playoffs.”


“No playoffs?” Rock asked as the break ended. “How do they know who won?”

“They go by the regular season records,” Will said.

“That’s un-American,” Rock muttered.

“Well, we’re in England, Rock,” Will said. “And they’re ready for the opening kickoff.”

“No they’re not,” Rock said. He pointed to the scoreboard. “The clock reads all zeros.”

“In soccer the clock counts up,” Will said. “In the first half it starts at zero and goes up to forty-five minutes, plus any stoppage time.”

“Don’t they stop the clock during commercial breaks?” Rock asked.

“There are no commercial breaks in soccer,” Will said. He turned to the camera. “And that’s how we’ll cover it for you back home. You won’t miss a moment of the action.”

“But what if they need to pee?” Rock asked. He squirmed in his seat. “What if I need to pee?”

Will grinned. “You’ll just have to hold it, Rock.”


Have fun!