The resident faculty left a lineup card outside the mail room this morning, with Professor Plum penciled in as “LO.” They don’t have a softball team, so the staff think it was a clue…. (More)

First our thanks to last week’s writers:

On Monday, you shared your stories of offline political activism in Things We Did This Week, addisnana shared Nana Discovers Psych 101 in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan saw The High Cost of Biofuels in Our Earth.

On Tuesday, the Squirrel offered The Macadamia Moon and Other Lunacy in Morning Feature and readers helped tell Tuesday’s Tale: Minnie’s Iceberg in Midday Matinee.

On Wednesday, we penned An Open Letter from the GOP to Working Class White Men in Morning Feature and addisnana watched The Old Dog and the Young Pup in Midday Matinee.

On Thursday, we began our series on Thomas Piketty’s new book Capital with The History of Income and Capital in Morning Feature, triciawyse brought us Fursdai Furries in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan warned of Losing the Amazon Forests in Our Earth.

On Friday, we continued our series on Capital with The Roots of Inequality in Morning Feature and triciawyse shared Frieday Critters in Midday Matinee.

On the weekend, we concluded our series on Capital with Solutions and Criticisms in Saturday’s Morning Feature, Ms. Crissie was asked if the Earth is Owned by Martians? in Sunday’s Morning Feature, and winterbanyan brought our weekly Eco News Roundup in Our Earth.


Note: Please share your stories of offline political activism in Things We Did This Week.


Thus we return to the lineup card left outside the mail room by the resident faculty, as they made their way from the wine cellar library where they spent the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”) to the hot tub faculty lounge for their weekly game where the underwear goes flying planning conference.

They had penciled Professor Plum in to play “LO,” which left the staff a bit confused as Ms. Scarlet down was listed at “LF” or left field. As if that were not confusing enough, Chef noted that the resident faculty don’t even have a softball team.

“We’re going to need the decoder ring,” the Professor of Astrology Janitor said.

Chef brought it out:

 photo SquirrelPecanRing.jpeg

“You know squirrels invented baseball,” the Squirrel texted on his Blewberry as Chef scraped some stray pecans into his bowl.

It was hardly the first time he’d made such a claim. He’s credited squirrels with golf, curling, and even agriculture.

He tapped at his Blewberry. “Seriously. Baseball was invented by Abner Doubledrey, so named because he had both a Mrs. Doubledrey in one tree and a Not-Mrs. Doubledrey in another tree on the other side of the park. That’s why baseball parks have two dugouts.”

“I thought it was because they had two teams,” the Professor of Astrology Janitor said.

The Squirrel shook his head and tapped away. “Football has two teams,” he texted, “and no dugouts. Really, would I make this up?”

The staff didn’t answer.

“Anyway,” the Squirrel continued on his Blewberry, “Mrs. Doubledrey found out about Not-Mrs. Doubledrey. Or perhaps that happened the other way. The stories aren’t clear. Regardless, one fine spring day Abner was standing in the park, playing with a twig, when Mrs. Doubledrey walked up, squatted beside him, and held out her paws. Abner was confused until he followed his angry wife’s eyes, just in time to see Not-Mrs. Doubledrey hurl an acorn at him. He ducked and Mrs. Doubledrey caught it. She threw the acorn back to Not-Mrs. Doubledrey and invited her to try again.”

“I think I see where this is going,” Chef said.

The Squirrel texted some more. “This time Abner swung the twig to block the acorn. Squirrels have excellent eye-paw coordination, and he hit the acorn and took off running. ‘Don’t even think of running home yet!’ Mrs. Doubledrey chittered as Not-Mrs. Doubledrey took off after the acorn. Abner kept right on running, turning from time to time to confuse any fans. But he got so worried about confusing the fans that he lost track of his direction and ended up right back in front of Mrs. Doubledrey.”

“Uh-oh,” the Professor of Astrology Janitor said.

The Squirrel nodded. “While he was running, Not-Mrs. Doubledrey had found the acorn and hurled it back to Mrs. Doubledrey. She caught it and whacked Abner on his nose. Both Mrs. and Not-Mrs. Doubledrey chittered ‘You’re out!’ Abner rubbed his nose and mumbled ‘I should have hit it out of the park.’ Mrs. Doubledrey stroked her whiskers for a moment. ‘If you can do that,’ she chittered, ‘you can run home.'”

“I get it,” the Professor of Astrology Janitor said. “Pitching, catching, batting, home runs, outs. I’m sure you’ll work the infield fly rule in there somehow.”

“In fact,” the Squirrel texted, “there was a fly buzzing around and–”

“Can we skip to the part where you decipher this week’s clue?” Chef asked.

“Oh that,” he texted. “The resident faculty realized they left out several important topics in last week’s discussion of Capital. They decided to make that series a double-header.”

“L-O,” Chef said. “Left out. Ahh.”

“So okay,” the Professor of Astrology Janitor said, “what about all that spitting and scratching in baseball? Did Abner invent that too?”

The Squirrel chuckled and tapped at his Blewberry. “He blamed Mrs. Doubledrey for the spitting part. She blamed Not-Mrs. Doubledrey. And don’t even ask where three strikes and four balls comes from.”

Oh dear.


Happy Monday!