“So I called home to Zeta Reti–” Professor Plum began before bursting into gales of laughter.

He read the mail. (More)

Professor Plum tried to finish his sentence, then gave up and held his aching side as he and Ms. Scarlet left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor chuckled as he folded yet another hand of Jack Squat, this time the Jack of Hearts and the Three of Diamonds. Chef scooped in the blinds and left for the kitchen to make Bill Wurtzel’s Eggomaniacs, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….


Dear Ms. Crissie,

I’m here to warn you that President Obama is a totalitarian with a tendency to chop off heads, and he’s planning an Islamist-Marxist overthrow of America. But first he will make an announcement from Area 51. The deal that’s been given to Obama, he has been given the assignment, the task, in order to put his place in history, this is going to be the defining moment for Obama that separates him from everybody, there will be an announcement soon that there has been contact on a number of different fronts with a number of different nations from alien life forms and that Mr. Obama has been asked by the collective community of the world, the United Nations included, to be the spokesperson for the world to this alien race. Of course the alien race has also requested that the most powerful nation in the world be represented as the people that they want to talk to. This will fix in time and space the fact that the alien presence is going to be made known to the rest of the world, all over the world at the same time and that Mr. Obama has been chosen to be the one to communicate, to be the communicator.

Jim in Ontario

Dear Jim,

We appreciatee-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-har-har-har-tee-hee wait let us catch our tee-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-har-har-har-tee-hee oh dear tee-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-har-har-har-tee-hee.

Deep breath.

We understee-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-har-har-har-tee-hee wiping eyes tee-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-har-har-har-tee-hee goodness gracious tee-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-har-har-har-tee-hee.

Whew. Calm. Ommm.

We regretee-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-har-har-har-tee-hee sides ache tee-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-har-har-har-tee-hee rolling on floor tee-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-har-har-har-tee-hee.


Dear Ms. Crissie,

Umm, are you okay? If so, who is Bill Wurtzel and what are Eggomaniacs?

Wurtz fur Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Wurtz fur Breakfast,

We’re okay. We promise. We should also note that the Professor of Astrology Janitor did a lovely job of buffing the mail room floor.

Bill Wurtzel is a food artist who works with the Department of Agriculture to help kids enjoy National School Breakfast Week. An Eggomaniac is made with two waffles, one sliced strawberry, two slices of banana, and two blueberries, arranged to look like this:

Bon appétit!



Jim in Ontario; other Jim-tee-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-har-har-har-tee-hee.

Bill Wurtzel.


Happy Sunday!