Hyde Park Speaker’s Corner here I come. Or maybe I’ll just wander around Times Square shouting. Consider this my draft rant while I save up for airfare. (More)

I am trying with little success to practice the commandment to “Love they neighbor as thyself.”

Love the sinner but hate the sin is not working for me either. The religious right and the gun nuts are my neighbors and my fellow citizens. It would be hard to tell that we live in the same country under the same constitution and the same protections of our rights. Would ‘they’ understand better if we turned the tables on some of their ideas? Let’s try.


Dear men with prescriptions for Viagra:

Going forward your prescription will not be filled without the consent of your wife. We don’t trust you to make decisions about your own body anymore. You will need to produce a valid marriage certificate at the pharmacy counter. If you are not married no prescriptions will be filled because you clearly aren’t honoring the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. You clearly are not in line with the idea that sex is for procreation only. As Tea Party activist Jerome Corsi said, “If you want to have fun, read a book, go to a movie. Sex is about the procreation of children. It’s a sacred responsibility that is meant by God to have men and women commit their lifetime to children.”

The procreation idea would of course rule out men whose wives are post-menopausal. Sorry guys. Also, be prepared to pay for this yourself. It is obviously too much “big”government if you are expecting the government to pay for a big hard-on. You do believe in small government right? Also, if your erection lasts longer than 4 hours don’t expect your treatment to be paid for by the government. We think of it as similar to aborting a hard-on and we know how you feel about abortion.


Dear NRA Board Members and Gun Manufacturers:

We hear you about the freedoms you think you are entitled to. Rather than argue any more about sensible regulations and responsible gun ownership, we have decided to let you have some of the consequences too. A list of your children and the names and addresses of the schools they attend will be published and distributed with every gun purchase. The ‘lone nuts’ as you are so fond of calling the mass murders will be encouraged to choose from the list of schools, colleges and universities provided should they feel a shooting coming on. Surely you have armed guards by now? There is really no reason why school shootings or mass murders should be random events. It’d be so much easier to plan for them if we knew where they would happen. To cover mall shootings and movie theaters, we will also publish your family’s shopping habits. Since you are the people who are blocking any sort of sensible regulations, why shouldn’t you share in the drama and the trauma? You’re ready right because your guns make you safer? And mass shootings are good for gun sales aren’t they?


Dear Stand Your Ground supporters:

You apparently see the need to be armed and see every young black man as a threat whose life doesn’t count. We liberals disagree and value the lives of every person. Therefore, we are starting a foundation to provide guns, including AK47s, and gun safety classes to every interested black male and any interested females too. From now on young black men will be given a GoPro digital video camera to record any encounters that may happen. Enough of taking you at your word that you “felt threatened” by someone. Since you are unlikely to disarm, you leave us no choice but to try and at least make the fights fair and the evidence real. I’m thinking the reflexes developed by playing video games will make them just a bit faster than you. Want to test it? Are you counting on meeting unarmed young black men because of Rev. Martin Luther King and the movement’s history of non-violence? How long do you honestly expect that to last if you keep killing unarmed young black men?


The fine print on the soap box clearly states that the ideas presented by the ranter are to stimulate discussion and not meant as calls to action in any way. Think of them as food for thought.