Professor Plum stood quietly in the mail room doorway until Ms. Scarlet finally asked what he was doing. “Just loitering,” he replied.

He read the mail. (More)

Professor Plum and Ms. Scarlet then left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar mail room, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor stood quietly on two draws. Chef opened the pot with a raise, and the Professor of Astrology Janitor called with the Jack and Ten of Diamonds. The flop brought the Queen and Six of Diamonds and the Nine of Spades. With four Diamonds and a Queen-to-Nine straight draw, the Professor of Astrology Janitor was now favored against a pair of Aces or an Ace-Queen, a coin flip against a pair of Kings, and only a modest underdog against pocket Queens, Nines, or Sixes. The Professor of Astrology Janitor checked, planning to raise if Chef bet, but she checked behind him. The Professor of Astrology Janitor resisted the impulse to moan as the Six of Clubs fell on the turn. He checked and Chef put in a pot-sized bet.

If Chef had Queens, Nines, or Sixes, the Professor of Astrology Janitor’s straight and flush draws were already dead to her full house or four of a kind. If she had Kings, a King to make his straight would give her a full house. Even if she currently had only a single pair plus the Sixes on the board, the 2:1 pot odds only justified a call if Chef held no Diamonds. He sighed and folded, and Chef flashed her Six and Seven of Spades. The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling, and Chef left for the kitchen to make Southern Grits and Tomato Gravy, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I’ve filed a bill in the Georgia House that would overturn the crime of loitering. I know that would allow sex offenders to hang out at schools and playgrounds, and I’m okay with that. The reason I’m okay with that is the assumption is they have done their time. If they’re still a danger to society, they should not be free. Am I saying it’s not creepy? It’s definitely creepy. One issue is it’s extremely easy to get on the sex offender list. To be a registered sex offender, all you have to do is go pee on a tree. But my intent wasn’t to help out sex offenders. It was to protect the Fifth Amendment and stop police officers from demanding identification when people are merely loitering. You have a right to remain silent, and the same law that bans loitering also bans sex offenders from hanging around schools and playgrounds. I didn’t back down because of the political ramifications. If that means I don’t get re-elected that’s what it means.

Sam in GA

Dear Sam,

We applaud your support for the Fifth Amendment, however we note that in 1968 the U.S. Supreme Court held in Terry v. Ohio that a law enforcement officer may stop a person and ask for identification if the officer has a reasonable suspicion of wrongdoing. And in 2004 the Court in Hiibel vs. Sixth Judicial District Court of Nevada that the Fifth Amendment protection against coerced self-incrimination does not apply to a request for identification, because merely giving one’s name is not incriminating. We note that even your fellow Republicans reject your ridiculous bill, and we agree with your county sheriff, Roger Garrison, who said: “At the end of the day, it’s all irrelevant, because the speaker of the House has a little corner for people like Mr. Moore: it’s called the ineffective corner. It’s just an embarrassment he happens to be from Cherokee County.”

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Is it ridiculous to ask how to make Chef’s Southern Grits and Tomato Gravy?

Cautiously Hungry in Blogistan

Dear Cautiously Hungry,

Chef assures us that it is not ridiculous to ask for her recipe. To make the grits, boil 3 cups of water in a saucepan with ½ teaspoon of salt, then stir in 1 cup of hominy grits. Bring the water back to a boil, then reduce the heat to low and simmer the grits for 10-15 minutes, stirring regularly. While the grits simmer, fry 2 breakfast sausage patties in a pan. Once the sausage is cooked, remove it and whisk 2 Tablespoons of flour into the fat to make a roux, then stir in 2 cups of canned tomatoes and season lightly with salt and black pepper. Stir regularly for about 10 minutes, until the gravy thickens, then spoon it over your grits. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Sam in GA; same law that bans loitering; Terry v. Ohio; Hiibel v. Sixth Judicial District Court of Nevada.

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Happy Sunday!