The resident faculty left a note asking “Straw or Hair?” outside the mail room this morning. The staff have plenty of conditioner, so we hope it’s a clue…. (More)

First our thanks to last week’s writers:

On Monday, you shared your stories of offline political activism in Things We Did This Week, addisnana mused on Slanguage in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan saw that Tree Roots Regulate Global Temperature in Our Earth.

On Tuesday, the Squirrel revised sporting history with Curl, Curl, Curl in Morning Feature, readers helped tell Tuesday’s Tale: The Winter Games in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan asked Will The Winter Olympics Survive Climate Change? in Our Earth.

On Wednesday, we discussed Demographics, Destiny … and Strawmen in Morning Feature, addisnana offered Thoughts On Falling in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan warned of Culling the Yellowstone Bison Herd in Our Earth.

On Thursday, we began a series on Fair or Unfair? with How We Judge in Morning Feature, triciawyse offered Fursdai Furries in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan asked Are Mammograms Worthwhile or Harmful? in Our Earth.

On Friday, we continued our series on Fair or Unfair? with Thinking Fast and Sure in Morning Feature, triciawyse brought us Frieday Critters in Midday Matinee, and winterbanyan noted that Physicists Find More Black Hole Questions in Our Earth.

On the weekend, we concluded our series on Fair or Unfair? with Wooing the Elephant in Saturday’s Morning Feature, Ms. Crissie was asked Guilty of Attempt but Mistrial on Murder? in Sunday’s Morning Feature, and winterbanyan brought our weekly Eco News Roundup in Our Earth.

Note: Please share your stories of offline political activism in Things We Did This Week.

Thus we return to the question of “Straw or Hair?” left outside the mail room by the resident faculty as they made their way from the wine cellar library where they spent the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”) to the hot tub faculty lounge for their weekly game where the underwear goes flying planning conference.

If the resident faculty plan to sell hair care products, they won’t get many takers at BPI’s Main Campus. The human members of the staff already like their shampoos and conditioners. Pootie the Precious needs only her daily brushing to keep her coat soft and shiny, and the Squirrel and his family use the hot tub faculty lounge squirrel bath. Thus the staff concluded that the note was the resident faculty’s weekly clue, and Chef brought out her weekly bribe dose of encouragement….

 photo SquirrelPecanRing.jpeg

“This is not promising,” the Squirrel texted on his Blewberry as he watched Chef tap stray pecans into his bowl. “I found a video that may help.”

“Uh oh,” Chef said.

The Squirrel nodded and tapped at his Blewberry. “As I explained last week, Skippy and Sweepy MacIrtufts invented curling. Skippy slid the rock and Sweepy used his tail to clear a path on the ice. So the original curling ‘broom’ was hair.”

“Uh huh,” Chef said.

“Then Artair MacFusseigh turned the squirrels’ heroic rescue mission into a game,” the Squirrel continued. “When he grew up and got married, he stole his wife Barra’s straw brooms to sweep the ice. And for hundreds of years, curling brooms were made of corn straw.”

“How … fascinating,” Chef said.

The Squirrel ignored her sarcasm and kept texting. “But in the last century, curling brooms began to change. There was a lot of debate over whether brooms or brushes were better, and whether brushes made of hair were better than those made of straw. Now they mostly use synthetics, but studies show hair is still better if the ice is frosty.”

Chef yawned.

“Please tell us the resident faculty aren’t going to spend all week talking about curling equipment,” the Professor of Astrology Janitor pleaded.

“Of course not,” the Squirrel texted. “But Skippy’s and Sweepy’s names were the only parts of their heroic contribution that Artair bothered to mention. So the captain of a curling team is called the Skip and the people who use the brooms are the Sweepers.”

“Meaning?” Chef asked.

The Squirrel noshed a pecan and tapped at his Blewberry. “Meaning this week the resident faculty will skip around the news, slide from topic to topic, and sweep in whatever seems interesting.”

Chef’s stare was almost icy. Then her lips curled.

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Happy Monday!