“Hello and welcome back to our coverage of the winter games,” Will Wurdie said. “I’m here with Rock Peters. What do we have on the schedule today, Rock?”

“Women’s finger skating,” Rock said. (More)

Midday Matinee is our people watching, people doing and people being feature. Join the Woodland Creatures for an afternoon break.

Welcome back to Tuesday’s Tale, a weekly feature where we collaborate to write a story. Previous Tuesday’s Tales include F-f-frigid-d-d and To Be Determined. We follow the basic rules of the “Yes, And” improvisational game – accept everything written so far as part of the story, and add your own paragraph (or so) where the last addition left off – except you needn’t begin your addition with “Yes, and.” I’ll start the story….


Note: Today’s characters first appeared in The Halftime Speech and Jock Itch.


“It’s not finger skating, Rock,” Will said. “It’s figure skating.”

Rock shook his massive head. “No, that’s not today. Today is the one where they race around the rink with their fingers on the ice.”

Will smiled at the camera. “He means short track speed skating.”

Rock shrugged his massive shoulders. “Finger skating is easier to say.”

“And we do have that event on tap today,” Will said. “The qualifying heats for the five-hundred meters. That’s about five-hundred-fifty yards, Rock. That was your rushing yards total, the season before you retired. But the skaters will do it in a little over forty seconds.”

“I could’ve done that if there were no tacklers,” Rock said.

Will didn’t take the bait. They’d timed Rock’s forty-hard dash with a sun dial. “So what else is on our lineup?”

“Downhill hockey,” Rock said.

Will arched an eyebrow. “There is no downhill hockey, Rock.”

“Hockey’s been going downhill since that miracle team in nineteen-eighty,” Rock said. He looked at the camera proudly. “I was using a metathree.”

Will swallowed carefully. “It’s called a metaphor, Rock.”

“Only losers talk about statistics, Will,” Rock said.


In the control room, Dave shook his head and looked at his producer. “This is going to be a long day, Pam.”

Pam nodded to the director. “It sure is, Dave. I can’t wait to hear what Rock has to say about the giant slalom.”


Have fun!