“Chef was mean to me,” Professor Plum said as he entered the mail room. “I asked how she makes breakfast gravy and she said I had to wait for the recipe.”

He read the mail. (More)

Ms. Scarlet assured him that Chef held no personal animus. Professor Plum took Ms. Scarlet at her word and they left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the pile of chips in the center of the table had thickened considerably since the Professor of Astrology Janitor’s opening raise. Both the Squirrel and Chef called, and the flop brought the King and Six of Spades and the Six of Hearts. The Professor of Astrology Janitor looked at his two red Kings and checked his full house. The Squirrel bet half the pot and Chef folded. Guessing that the Squirrel held a Six with an Ace, Seven, or Five of the same suit, the Professor of Astrology Janitor simply called. He checked after the Ace of Clubs fell on the turn, and again the Squirrel bet half the pot. Now confident the Squirrel held the Ace and Six of Hearts or Diamonds, and was thus betting Sixes full of Aces, the Professor of Astrology Janitor raised all-in. The Squirrel quickly called and turned over two Red Sixes for four of a kind. Only the last remaining King could save him, and the Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling as the Jack of Diamonds came at the river. Chef went to the kitchen to make Sausage and Rice with Breakfast Gravy, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I’m being bullied by the media. MSNBC is a partisan network that has been openly hostile to me and almost gleeful in their efforts attacking me, even taking the unprecedented step of producing and airing a nearly three-minute attack ad against me this week. I and my entire administration have been helping Hoboken get the help they need after Sandy, with the city already having been approved for nearly $70 million dollars in federal aid and is targeted to get even more when the Obama Administration approves the next rounds of funding. Mayor Zimmer and I have had a productive relationship, with Mayor Zimmer even recently saying she’s ‘very glad’ I’ve been the Governor. It’s very clear partisan politics are at play here as Democratic mayors with a political axe to grind come out of the woodwork and try to get their faces on television.

Chris in NJ

Dear Chris,

We applaud your skill in playing the victim as the plot thickens on your office’s abuses of power. We note that Hoboken Mayor Dawn Zimmer offered contemporaneous diary entries regarding her conversations with Lieutenant Governor Kim Guadagno and your community affairs commissioner, Richard Constable. In those entries, she wrote that both officials warned her that Hurricane Sandy relief funds would be withheld unless the city approved a lucrative project for the Rockefeller Group.

When the city council delayed the project, saying they could not afford a planning study, the Port Authority offered to fund the study, but only if they could choose the firm to conduct the study. Conveniently, that study found that only the three blocks owned by the Rockefeller Group were suitable for development.

We note that the chairman of the Port Authority is David Samson, whom you appointed, and he is also a founding member of the Wolff and Samson law firm, who represent the Rockefeller Group. One of your former aides, Lori Grifta, also now works at Wolff and Samson and lobbies for the Rockefeller Group.

Finally, we note that Hoboken has received only $340,000 from the $1.8 billion in federal money thus far released for Hurricane Sandy relief, and that Mayor Zimmer said she is willing to testify under oath and submit to a lie detector test about her conversations with Lt. Gov. Guadagno and commissioner Constable.

We conclude that, whatever MSNBC’s partisan or ideological leanings, they produced both a first-hand witness and contemporaneous documents to back these allegations. Given that your statement does not deny your office’s connections with or advocacy on behalf of the Rockefeller Group project, we paraphrase the Bard: “The governor doth protest too much, methinks.”

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Now may I have Chef’s recipe for Breakfast Recipe?

Doth Protest for Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Doth Protest,

Yes, you may. Chef begins by cooking the sausage in a lightly-oiled skillet over medium-high heat. Once it’s done, she removes the sausage and deglazes the skillet with a splash of white wine, whisking briskly until the wine evaporates. She uses a rubber spatula to scrape the skillet drippings into a saucepan with 4 Tablespoons of melted butter, then whisks in 4 Tablespoons of flour to make a roux. She cooks the roux over medium heat for 3-4 minutes, until it turns golden brown, then stirs in 2 cups of half-and-half. She adds a pinch of salt and several turns of freshly-ground black pepper, and continues to slowly whisk the liquid over medium heat until it reaches a boil and thickens. Chef often serves her Breakfast Gravy over steamed rice, but it can also be served over biscuits or potato pancakes. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Chris in NJ; Mayor Zimmer’s allegations; “doth protest too much, methinks.”

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Happy Sunday!