Professor Plum shrugged off a straitjacket as he walked into the mail room. “It wasn’t buckled,” he explained. “I was never fully committed.”

He read the mail. (More)

Ms. Scarlet winked and offered to buckle it for him, but he declined and they left to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”).

In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor was deciding whether to fully commit himself to a pair of Kings. Chef had called the big blind to open the pot, and the Professor of Astrology Janitor made a pot-sized raise. Chef replied with a reraise and the Professor of Astrology Janitor counted his chips. A call would require two-thirds of his remaining stack, leaving him pot-committed. He knew Chef would only call-reraise with a pair of Aces, a pair of Kings, or a suited Ace-King. If she had Aces, she was a four-to-one favorite. If they both had Kings, they would almost surely split the pot. And his Kings were only a two-to-one favorite against a suited Ace-King. With six possible pairs of Aces, one pair of Kings, and two suited Ace-Kings, he was probably a big underdog. He gave his Kings one last, sad look and folded. Chef politely showed him her Aces, and the Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling. Chef went to the Kitchen to make a Leftover Scramble, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

As a true conservative Republican challenger to Sen. Thad Cochran (RINO-MS), I’m writing to correct any misimpressions about the Mother Jones story that said I spoke at a “neo-Confederate” conference in August. In fact I was in Chicago, at a meeting of the American Legislative Exchange Council. I had said I would speak at the Southern Heritage Conference of the Jones County Rosin Heels, a chapter of the Sons of Confederate Veterans. Although I’m not a member of the SCV, I will speak to almost any civic group in Mississippi. From what I’ve read about the SCV, it is an historical group and when I spoke at their conference in June there was no talk about secession or anything like that. Anyway, I was scheduled to speak at their meeting in August but I was never fully committed.

Chris in MS

Dear Chris,

We applaud your forthright correction that you did not speak at that specific neo-Confederate conference because you were at an ALEC conference in Chicago. We note that voters in your state can now be confident that you spoke at two Sons of Confederate Veterans’ events – including another several years ago when you had the flu – but not the third in August. And we note that voters in your state can now be confident that your ideas as a state legislator come from ALEC. We hope you will be this forthcoming with any other skeletons that may be rattling around your closet.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I’m writing to let you know that I will be running as a Republican in the special election to replace the late Bill Young in Florida’s U.S. House District 13. It’s something that I think I’m uniquely qualified for and I say that very humbly.

David in FL

Dear David,

We agree with Joshua Karp of the Florida Democratic Party, who responded to your announcement:

Washington lobbyist David Jolly built his career and his livelihood by trying to manipulate the dysfunctional politics of Washington in order to enrich himself at the expense of middle class families – and that’s exactly what Floridians hate about Congress. If Jolly is the eventual Republican nominee – a big if – then Floridians will see a clear contrast between [Democratic candidate Alex Sink] a proven problem solver with a record of getting results and a Washington lobbyist who would do exactly what lobbyists always do in Congress: make things worse.

We also suggest you look up the word “humbly” in a dictionary.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

David in FL might “very humbly” say he is “uniquely qualified” to serve in Congress if he thinks he’s way more than…. Oh. Forget I mentioned it. Also, does Chef’s Leftover Scramble include any crazy neo-Confederate ingredients?

Sanely Hungry in Blogistan

Dear Sanely Hungry,

Chef makes her Leftover Scramble with whatever cooked meats and vegetables she has in the refrigerator. Simply warm them in a skillet first, then set them aside and scramble two eggs. As the eggs set up, stir in the leftovers. Chef tops hers with a sprinkling of grated Cheddar, Swiss, or Parmesan cheese, depending on the leftovers. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Chris in MS; conservative challenger to Sen. Thad Cochran (R-MS).

David in FL; Joshua Karp of the Florida Democratic Party.

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Happy Sunday!