“Republicans have the answer to the meaning of life, the universe, and everything,” Professor Plum said as he walked into the mail room. “And they want to vote on it this week.”

He read the mail. (More)

Professor Plum then left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”). In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor calmly folded his Four of Hearts and Deuce of Clubs after the Squirrel raised and Chef called. The Squirrel bet after the Four of Diamonds and the Four of Clubs fell with the Deuce of Spades on the flop. Chef folded her Jack and Ten of Hearts face up, and the Squirrel politely showed her his pair of black Threes. The Professor of Astrology Janitor began plaintive mewling “I folded Four-Duece,” and Chef went to the kitchen to make Bagels with Gravity Locks, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I know we’ve voted to repeal Obamacare before, but none of the other votes were on must-pass bills. They were on individual bills. We’ve had 42 different swings at the bat. Forty-two different exhibition games. But we’ve never actually had a regular season. We haven’t had it on the continuing resolution yet. We have 85 who say they want a vote on this. We’ve got plenty of time to persuade Senate Democrats that we’re serious. We’ve got three weeks. Will 42 be the answer we’ve been looking for?

Tim in KS

Dear Tim,

We must applaud your persistence, if nothing else. For example, if you actually had 42 swings of the bat in 42 exhibition games, we would wonder why you had only one at bat per game. Moreover, that would make this your 43rd Obamacare repeal vote. But as you’ve had only 41 swings, exhibition games, and other mixed sports metaphors thus far, this will be your 42nd. We note that Senate Republicans are tired of your antics, saying voters will see the GOP as the government shutdown party when President Obama and Senate Democrats reject your demand to end Obamacare. Thus, we suggest you consider this not your 42nd swing of the bat or 42nd game, but your 42nd lap as you race round and round without going anywhere.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I’m glad Chef’s Dish of the Day isn’t made from Amiglion Major Cow, because I don’t want my food to talk to me. But what are Gravity Locks and will I need access to the BPI Fizzix Department to make them?

Thumbs Out for Breakfast in Blogistan

Dear Thumbs Out,

Chef notes that a collection of Douglas Adams’ essays and an unfinished novel were posthumously published as The Salmon of Doubt, and that inspired her name for the wonderful Scandinavian dish otherwise known as gravlax or gravlox. To make it, first drape plastic wrap over a glass baking dish. Slice a 2-pound salmon filet lengthwise and lay one half skin-side down on the plastic wrap in the dish. Mix 4 Tablespoons of coarse sea salt, 3 Tablespoons of light brown sugar, and 1 Tablespoon of ground black pepper and sprinkle half of the mixture over the salmon. Cover with 1 bunch of chopped dill and pour 3 Tablespoons of vodka over the mixture. Sprinkle the rest of the salt and seasoning mixture over the remaining half of the salmon and lay it skin-side up atop the first half, then wrap the plastic tightly over both halves.

Place a small cutting board with a heavy weight atop the salmon to press it, and refrigerate for 24 hours, turning the salmon over halfway through. Then separate the halves, scrape off the seasoning mixture, thinly-slice the salmon while removing the skin, and serve on toasted bagels with cream cheese or the traditional dill mustard. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Tim in KS; Senate Republicans are tired of your antics; President Obama and Senate Democrats reject demand to end Obamacare.

The Salmon of Doubt

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Happy Sunday!