Professor Plum ducked low as he entered the mail room, and again as he backed out. Maybe he mistook himself for the Green Edge team bus at the finish line yesterday in the Tour de France. Or maybe he read the mail…. (More)

Professor Plum left with Ms. Scarlet to join the resident faculty in the wine cellar library, where they’ll spend the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”). In the staff poker game, the Professor of Astrology Janitor also arguably tried to double-dip. He announced an opening raise and put in twice the big blind, then reached for more chips. Chef noted that his initial bet was his raise, and the Squirrel agreed. The Professor of Astrology Janitor reluctantly conceded and both Chef and the Squirrel called his bet. The Ace and King of Diamonds fell with the Nine of Hearts on the flop, and Chef put in a pot-sized bet. The Squirrel folded and the Professor of Astrology Janitor looked down at his two black Jacks. He folded and began his plaintive mewling and Chef went to the kitchen to make Breakfast Sausage Cheese Dip, leaving your lowly mail room clerk to review the week’s correspondence….

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals needs to slow down. On Friday they lifted the hold on same sex marriages in California that they issued when we asked the U.S. Supreme Court to review their decision on Proposition 8. But we still have 22 days to ask the Court to reconsider their decision this week, so the Ninth Circuit acted prematurely. That’s why my Alliance Defending Freedom filed a petition with the Court yesterday, asking them to stay the Ninth Circuit and keep the hold on same sex marriages in place until we decide whether to ask the Court to reconsider. As the original proponents of Proposition 8, we need time to consider our legal options.

Austin in D.C.

Dear Austin,

We recognize your determination, but wonder if you read the Supreme Court’s decision in Hollingsworth v. Perry. The Court held that merely being the original proponents of Proposition 8 did not give you legal standing to appeal the trial court’s verdict overturning that law, under the principle that citizens who are not directly and individually affected by a law have no standing to challenge that law. Thus, you had no right to appeal the trial court’s verdict. So which part of “have no standing” did you not understand?

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

As we told professional sports league directors, we have long been concerned by the Obama administration’s record of using the threat of policy retaliation to solicit support for its policies or to silence its critics. Should the administration or its allies suggest that there will be any policy consequence for their decision not to participate in the administration’s outreach efforts, we urged league directors to resist any such pressure and to contact us immediately so that we may conduct appropriate oversight. We also said the league directors should feel free to reach out to us if they have any questions or if they’re uncomfortable responding in writing due to concerns about inappropriate or unwelcomed pressure from the administration to cooperate with the implementation of Obamacare.

Mitch in KY, John in TX, Steve in LA

Dear Mitch, John, and Steve,

We note that NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy has already replied, saying the NFL and other leagues were contacted by the administration but that there was no pressure, no substantive discussions, and no commitments, and that the leagues have no plans to help promote the implementation of Obamacare. In other words, someone in the Obama administration made a few phone calls, learned that the leagues were not interested, and dropped the idea.

From this non-event you are attempting to manufacture yet another “culture of intimidation” scandal. Given your indifference to the exposure House Oversight Committee Darrell Issa’s politically-motivated abuse of the Inspector General’s investigation process – thus proving the strength of your derp – we are sure the leagues’ denials of intimidation will convince you to hold hearings to investigate who intimidated them into denying that they were intimidated.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Is derp an ingredient in Chef’s Breakfast Sausage Cheese Dip?

Herping Hoping for Dip in Blogistan

Dear Herping Hoping for Dip,

Chef assures us that derp is not an ingredient in her recipe. She first browns, crumbles, and drains 1 pound of breakfast sausage in a deep skillet. She then adds 1 pound of shredded Cheddar Jack cheese, an 8-ounce container of sour cream, a 10-ounce can of diced tomatoes, 2 Tablespoons of salsa verde, and 2 finely chopped green onions, heating until the cheese is melted and the dip is smooth. Chef serves this over lightly toasted white corn tortillas. Bon appétit!

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Austin in AZ; lifted the hold on marriage equality in California; Hollingsworth v. Perry.

Mitch in KY, John in TX, Steve in LA; “culture of intimidation;” politically-motivated abuse of the Inspector General’s investigation process; proving the strength of their derp.

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Happy Sunday!